Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: Why are you guys doing that? She asked the question we were recently posed as we told a friend that we committed to doing a half Ironman together. The answer? Well, that's inside today's podcast. We're taking you on a deep dive as we pose five telling questions to one another about our decision. Some of the answers even surprised us, including what each of us were most concerned about in training together for such a long period of time and for such a difficult event. So sit back, get comfy in whatever tickles you pickle, and get ready for us to dig deep into how we really feel and what we're thinking about our commitment to doing a half Ironman together.
Hey, we're Kim and Rog and we're here to show couples how to get the best out of their relationship so they can start living their dream life together.
[00:00:46] Speaker B: We're a West Aussie couple who are living the life of our dreams. We don't entertain the word should. We think about the future as a field of possibilities and we let joy be our compass.
[00:00:54] Speaker A: We've taken the simple idea of working as a team and applied it to our marriage. And it's been a game changer, allowing us to work out what truly lights us up in life and to go after it together.
[00:01:03] Speaker B: From living in snowy Japan to starting our own house flipping business, we've achieved some big dreams. And most importantly, we feel fulfilled and are having the most fun we've ever had.
[00:01:12] Speaker A: Pick conversations from, inspiring couples, thoughts from relationship experts, and tales from our own lives as we help you to gain the wisdom and skills you'll need to turn your relationship into a real team.
[00:01:22] Speaker B: These are relationship conversations for real people, by real people. So sit back, get comfort in whatever tickles you. Pickle, and enjoy living the team life.
[00:01:38] Speaker A: Okay, so we have a big announcement today, being the world renowned athletes, that we are letting everyone know that we are preparing for another competition. We are getting ready or we've made a decision to get ready. We haven't started too much to do a half Ironman.
The reality is none of you will know this about us. Because we are not elite athletes. But that's okay. That's okay.
[00:02:09] Speaker B: Hey, speak for yourself.
[00:02:12] Speaker A: In our world, this is a big announcement and a big decision. And we. We talked about, interestingly, how this will impact us as a unit, briefly, when we committed to doing it.
[00:02:28] Speaker B: Cause we're doing it together.
[00:02:29] Speaker A: Oh, sorry. Yes, we're doing it together. We're gonna do a half Ironman together in a couple of years.
[00:02:35] Speaker B: So just about two years. Just over two years.
[00:02:38] Speaker A: Just over two years. When we made this decision, we were going to be doing it.
It was about two and a half. We actually made the decision a while ago, but we've been a bit sick. So we are back on the track and getting ready to get ready for our very long lead in. And we did talk about it, how it would impact us when we made the decision a little bit. But we thought it might be really interesting to actually unpack how we made this decision together as a couple, unpack the decision, what's behind it for both of us and how we see this decision unfolding. Because the reality is the decision we've made is to spend a lot of time together doing really hard things for a long period of time. And that's kind of interesting in a relationship. What happens when you make that decision? And it's also to achieve an outcome that is very deliberate and purposeful.
[00:03:37] Speaker B: Yeah. So if people don't know a half Ironman is 1.9k swim followed by a 90 kilometer bike ride followed by a half marathon run. So a 21 point something k run.
[00:03:53] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:03:53] Speaker B: So it's not for the faint hearted. It can take anywhere between six to 8 hours for punters, obviously less for, you know, finely tuned athletes and pros. And it takes years, especially when you're in your early forties like Kim and I, to, I guess, to prepare for something like this. And I think the fact that we decided to do it together as a large commitment is, I think it says a lot about us, but I think it's something that we wanted to dive into a day about what happens when a couple makes these decisions. So, yeah, we thought we'd ask each other a few questions, so. Cause again, prompt questions are fantastic for, I guess, maybe being able to dive below the surface a little bit of what's going on. And, of course, we always want to give you guys some insights into our lives and how we go about decision making and discussing things and organizing, because this is going to take a lot of organization because it takes a lot of time with training.
So you can take some hints and tips and take some things from that.
[00:05:02] Speaker A: All right. Do you want to kick off or do you want me to?
[00:05:05] Speaker B: Well, I'll kick off.
[00:05:06] Speaker A: Okay. Far away.
[00:05:08] Speaker B: What inspired you to take on this challenge as a couple? So I'm asking you this.
[00:05:17] Speaker A: To take it on as a couple.
It was, we were sitting out the front talking about exercise and you wanting to do a challenge.
And one, I always have fomo. When someone's doing anything competitive exercise related or not even competitive anything, that's a big challenge. I absolutely love the idea of testing ourselves and testing our bodies in life.
[00:05:45] Speaker B: You are like, oh, I like challenges.
[00:05:47] Speaker A: Yeah. And then maybe that's partly adhd as well. Like, I get excited by something novel and something that's gonna, like, feed me, feed my brain for a while with a super focus.
And so I definitely. When you said you wanted to do something, that sparked me to feel a little bit like, well, I want to do something, too, to take it on as a couple.
When I thought about you doing something and potentially something like a half Ironman, I could feel straight away this tension in my brain of, how on earth are we going to make that work in a way where I feel like you're not just stepping out to do a lot of training on your own, and it's not something that, well, potentially something that I don't enjoy or support you on because it is a lot of work. And that's the reality. That's what came up in my mind as well. One, I wanted to challenge myself, and two, I wasn't sure how I was going to feel supporting you to step outside to do hours and hours of training a day, potentially. And so the two things combined in my brain to say, well, there's a simple solution to this. You can have it all, Kim, by joining him and doing it as a couple.
That's how it came about for me.
[00:07:09] Speaker B: I love that thought process. Although it must have happened in a millisecond. Cause I pretty much. I told you, I think of doing a half ironman in a year or two, and you're like, yep, I'm doing it as well. Oh, all right.
[00:07:21] Speaker A: Okay. No, it literally did. All of that happened very quickly, and that is how my decision making process generally works very fast.
Don't necessarily thank myself for it later, but this one I have. What about you, though? What inspired you to take on this challenge as a couple? Because you were on the receiving end of my suggestion that I do it with you.
[00:07:43] Speaker B: Yeah. Well, I think first I'll take you through my thought process of why I wanted to do it.
You and I, the last couple of years, have really prioritized our health as a team. So that's really supporting each other to be healthy and stay healthy, so we're more mentally and emotionally available, so we're stronger physically for each other and for our daughter, and so we can live longer.
You know, we're on the. Well, we're not on the down the hill slope, are we? Jesus, it gets getting a bit too full on. But we also have a lot of challenges in our life. Being carers with our daughter, running our own business, you know, this ins and outs of this podcast.
And sometimes we don't get to choose our hard. And life is quite hard sometimes, especially as carers. And so for me, choosing a hard, challenging myself, showing that I've still got it in me for when, you know, I guess running and being in swimming and being active was more, I guess, fluent for me and more easy for me when I was younger. You know, I carry a few more kgs now.
So part of its health was health. Part of it was wanting to set myself a challenge. When you said to me, you know, definitely there was a bit of a, oh, well, this is something I really want to achieve. But then when I sat back and thought about it, I was like, well, you're right. It's gonna be a big commitment that I'm not gonna need your. I'm going to need your support on. So that's when we talk about, you know, our household and our marriage, our relationship as an ecosystem. Well, if I put aside time, which we do for exercise to anyone, support each other, but additional time over the next two years to do this, I'm really going to need your support. And it's folly of me to think that I won't need it and that what I'm doing is not going to impact the household at all. So by you getting involved will help in that. And the other thing is, I'm, you know, they'd say if you're struggling to get, I guess, into a challenge or into exercise, having a teammate, having someone that you need to show up for is important. And I think, you know, it is important. Even in a relationship, sometimes there's a bit of competitive tension and challenge, and you just talked about that. For me, knowing that you're gonna show up, because once you've got a goal in mind, you're like a dog to a bone.
That'll push me as well.
[00:10:00] Speaker A: Great analogy for a woman.
[00:10:02] Speaker B: Like a pretty dog to a bone. To a pretty bone.
Oh, it's getting hot in here.
So I think, yeah, for me, just knowing that, I think I'm more likely to. I think that's it. I'm more likely to complete this challenge with you by my side training and doing it than I am doing it by myself. And this isn't. I don't really need to prove it to myself that I can do this on my own, because if I. If I. If I cross the start line, then cross the finish line. I've proved that, but I know that I've got a better chance with you next to me.
All right, so how do you think training for a half Ironman will impact our relationship both positively and negatively?
[00:10:45] Speaker A: I think I'll start with the positives. I think positively we will feel more bonded. That's the thing you and I have historically, when we've trained for marathon or been training for any sort of running event, that's what we've bonded. We've. Sorry, had come out of it is we've bonded more. And I love that. We feel really connected because obviously we get the good chemicals going and we feel proud of each other, proud of ourselves. And we're like, in our own little club, right? We're celebrating each other. We're each other's teammates on this.
On the negative side, I think it will, it will, it is, it is a drain of resources. It will drain our resources in some ways. It will contribute and it will drain, it will do both because we'll feel good and we'll feel better, but we'll also feel more tired. We will also feel more strapped for time.
I think you and I can get competitive. If one gets behind a little bit, the other gets going, that can, sometimes that tension can go from being healthy tension to being frustrated tension. And those are the watch points I would say would be there for us as we proceed forward in this. What about you? How do you think training for the half Ironman will impact our relationship positively and negatively?
[00:12:04] Speaker B: Yeah, well, I definitely agree with what you said. I think positively just having a goal, achieving a goal together.
You know, we've talked a lot on this show about the cocktail of chemicals in our body and making the love drugs work for you. So getting that oxytocin and vasopressin working for you. So by setting a challenge together, our bodies will start to really, I guess, enjoy that and start to pump good, feel good chemicals into us. And then working together to achieve that over two years and then achieving it, I think, is gonna be really beneficial for us, I guess, emotionally and physically.
In terms of negatives, I think, yeah, it will be. It'll be, we are very supportive of each other and our health but we then now have to really go above and beyond and say no to some other stuff to fit in. Time to do a three hour training day, for example, as we get closer to the event in the second year. And I think that's when.
And as a result, you know, we're walking around limping, be sore, be tired. Cause we don't want to just stumble into this. We want to go into it knowing that we can easily complete it or.
[00:13:21] Speaker A: Easily, I think complete it.
[00:13:22] Speaker B: Complete it. But, like, complete and not going, gee, I don't know if I'll make it across the finish line.
[00:13:27] Speaker A: I already know today we'll make it. Oh, now I've said that.
[00:13:30] Speaker B: Oh, geez, babe, we've already just started trading.
[00:13:34] Speaker A: We haven't even really.
[00:13:36] Speaker B: So, yeah, I think it'll be, yeah, you're right. It's like, how do. When you're tired and sore, how will we work to manage that strain on our resources?
Cool.
What are your biggest concerns about training together? How can we address them as a team?
[00:13:54] Speaker A: My biggest concern would be that you, dead honest here, treat it as a team thing and don't sit in the I space. Sometimes when we're doing anything physical, you can become very self focused to ensure that you motivate yourself. I think it comes from probably I'm more self motivated, naturally, to do these things. Like you've said, once I decide I'm doing something, there's just very little that can get in my way. And you, on the other hand, have to really gee yourself up and so you can go very self focused and you can talk about how you're doing and what you're doing. And because I like to feel part of the team, it can make me feel like you're forgetting that I'm doing it with you. And that worries me a little bit. But whenever I raise those issues with you and say, can you please talk about it as a we thing and talk about the training together and how that's going to look for both of us so that we're both planned, not just, this is what I'm doing this week, and that's the end of the story, then you always adjust. So I think this stuff will crop up because things do and we'll address it the way we do.
[00:15:07] Speaker B: That's fair enough.
[00:15:10] Speaker A: What about you? What are your biggest concerns about training together?
[00:15:13] Speaker B: Yeah. So for me, perhaps it's when, maybe, maybe when we get to the longer training sessions, if our training philosophies don't align. So I think so far, they've aligned. I've done a bit more research than you because I had to get my head into this.
[00:15:30] Speaker A: That was your job.
[00:15:32] Speaker B: That is my job. But you can sometimes be a bit. What's a positive word for stubborn?
[00:15:39] Speaker A: No, no. Say stubborn.
[00:15:40] Speaker B: That word, if you. So.
[00:15:43] Speaker A: Oh, I see what you see.
[00:15:44] Speaker B: You were like, so you might not have read. I might have spent hours.
[00:15:48] Speaker A: I think I'll know more than there.
[00:15:49] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, pretty much. So I would have spent hours on YouTube going through this. And I'll bring you, like, this is a concept, I think. And you'll be like, that's not how I train. No, no, no. And then a few weeks later, you'll be like, yeah, no, I was thinking that.
Okay.
[00:16:07] Speaker A: No acknowledgement.
[00:16:08] Speaker B: Yeah, no acknowledgement. Just think, you know? Yeah, pretty much. I've got a great idea, rog. Why don't we do it this way? So.
[00:16:15] Speaker A: So how do we address that as a team?
[00:16:18] Speaker B: Do I do. If I'm. If I've got. If I'm trying to persuade you on a training technique which I think I want to use at work, I'll send you the clip and I'll say, please.
[00:16:27] Speaker A: Look at that. Helps me a lot.
[00:16:28] Speaker B: Yeah. Give you the clip if you remind.
[00:16:29] Speaker A: Me to watch it.
[00:16:30] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. If I've sent it to you three times and then come and ask you and then give you my earbud and put the phone in front of you and say, here's the clip I've spoken to you about for the last week, don't.
[00:16:41] Speaker A: Don't tune out after 10 seconds.
Okay. I like that. That's good. That's a good one to keep in mind. I will keep that in mind. So, yeah. Stay open to the. To the experts. Okay. What role does trust play in our decision to train together and how can we strengthen it throughout this process? Good question.
[00:17:00] Speaker B: If I do say so.
Look, I think.
I think there's a lot of trust because, as we said, we'll. So I don't trust that you're going to get fit enough to do this. I don't.
[00:17:13] Speaker A: Because you don't trust that I'll be fit enough.
[00:17:15] Speaker B: Oh, sorry. I don't. Not trust.
[00:17:18] Speaker A: Breach of trust.
[00:17:19] Speaker B: Sorry. Yeah. I didn't say that right. I'm not even thinking about the fact that you're not going to be fit enough to do this because I know that you're. This, this. You can do this. You've run a couple of marathons. You and I have run half marathons together over, though we were in our twenties, so I don't think that that's going to be the issue of you turning up. I think more it's about.
I do know what I think. I think it's all gonna come down to us. Always in the back of our mind is, how will we go on the day if one or someone's struggling or whatever, because I think what we maybe didn't explain this is that we're not just training and doing this together. We're gonna. We're gonna do this side by side.
[00:18:01] Speaker A: Execute it.
[00:18:01] Speaker B: We're gonna execute it together. So, you know, we probably have different strengths and areas of the three disciplines, but it doesn't matter. We're going to go at the, I guess, the slowest or the other person's pace. We're going to find the right pace.
[00:18:15] Speaker A: Which people probably assume is me because.
[00:18:18] Speaker B: I'm the female 100%. It's nice.
[00:18:20] Speaker A: Well, most disciplines it is, but not necessarily in not running. Mental strength when it comes to distance events.
[00:18:27] Speaker B: No, no. If I don't hit it, if I don't hit the zone, right, I'm toast. Like, I'm just not someone who can zone out while you're great at getting in the zone.
I can't remember what the question was.
[00:18:41] Speaker A: So trust role, does trust play in our decision to train together?
[00:18:46] Speaker B: I just think we just need to train more. Yeah. So you answer the question.
[00:18:48] Speaker A: So for me, this is actually a super big part of doing it. I wouldn't do this on my own at this point in my life. I really wouldn't because I actually don't trust myself to do it alone. We have so much other stuff going on that is high stress. And to be honest, training for a half ironman is high stress. It's great stress because I love that type of stress. But it is stress. It's stress on your body. It's stress on your mind. It's stress on your nervous system. Like, it's stress on everything. And I don't trust myself to manage that stress on my own at the moment. I'm just not in a place where I could. But you are my ride or die. And for me, I know that having you in my corner and us as a team on this, I will get through it. That's the. That's the belief I have. Honest to God, like, from the bottom of my heart, the reason I believe we will get through and do this is because for me, I'm doing it with you. I just don't think I would do it. Not. I don't think I wouldn't do it on my own because I just don't trust myself. But I trust you to get me through.
That's it.
[00:19:54] Speaker B: That's cool. I like that one.
[00:19:56] Speaker A: Yeah, it's pretty cool. Hey, it's cool to realize, too.
[00:19:59] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. So, all right, so how do you see our communication evolving as we navigate the physical and emotional demands of training.
[00:20:07] Speaker A: Oh, I feel like it'll devolve, not evolve.
I feel like we'll get crabby and our communication will go through ebbs and flows as it does, and ultimately it will evolve. But nothing is smooth sailing in some sort of linear progression. That's just not life. I think that as the pressures and the stresses and the exhaustion and all the rest of it come into it, we'll have moments of really poor communication in it, and then we'll do what we do best and we will sit back and say, this is a problem.
What's the outcome we want? What do we need to change? What's the goal of this conversation? And we'll just reverse engineer it like we do with everything. So I anticipate having problems in communication and, as usual, coming together and resolving that. What do you feel like our communication will sort of look like or evolve into as we navigate the physical and emotional demands of training?
[00:21:00] Speaker B: Yes, I think you made a really good point there, and this is really important. I guess, with all relationships, you know, people often say, what's the biggest issue in your relationship? What's communication?
And that's a symptom. And it's a really powerful and important toolkit and skill to have communication in your relationship. It's critical, but you need purpose, you need shared goals. Shared goals. The research backs this up. And so for us, just using this as an example, we have the shared goal of doing a half Ironman together and we're going to be committed to that goal and we know we're doing it together. We're on the same team. And so when our communication does break down, because we're either, you know, two and a half hours into exercise, or we're tired and sore, or things aren't going well, or we're having a disagreement about training this out the other, I think we'll be able to move past it, repair and move past it quickly because we'll have a higher purpose and a higher goal. We won't sit there in bitterness and moving into resentment, going, oh, they don't care. They don't think, oh, how dare they talk to me like that.
I think it will be like, there'll be a lot of empathy there because we'll both be going through the same thing. We've both got the same goal. And so it's like, well, yeah, no, they're probably feeling the same. They're probably feeling tired, low on resources, you know, high demand.
[00:22:29] Speaker A: I absolutely love that. I think that the number one thing that keeps us going in the same direction is the purpose that we have. It sits underneath everything and it brings us back together and it allows us to see the things that are going well. Well, what are we doing to head in that direction? What are we. And when we would sit back and look and go, well, we did four training sessions this week and we spurred each other on and, you know, he lifted me in that moment. Okay, so we had a bad day, but look at all the other things that are heading us towards where we want to go. And that purpose we have. And you release it. It's a. I think that's a great one to keep in mind. You do release it when you've got that clear purpose together.
[00:23:08] Speaker B: That's right.
So, yeah, babe, I'm really excited for what we're going to.
[00:23:14] Speaker A: This has pumped you up.
[00:23:15] Speaker B: It's pumped me up, yeah. I'm jacked, guys.
[00:23:17] Speaker A: It's terrifying.
[00:23:18] Speaker B: Yeah, well, it's two years away. It's a long term goal, but, you know, things. If we don't start now, we won't make it. And so that's the other thing, you know, putting in the work now, but knowing you're not going to get. Really get the reward until on the day. But, you know, you know, it's all about the journey as well. So I'm really excited. And we're going to keep all our listeners abreast of our progress. So you'll see it on our socials and we'll talk about it in the poddies as well.
You're amazing. You've just spent quality time on your relationship.
[00:23:53] Speaker A: Feel like you're on a roll. If you want more living the team life relationship insights and conversations, head over to kimandroj.com where you can find all the show notes as well as tons of other relationship goodies.
[00:24:04] Speaker B: And if you liked today's episode, please hit subscribe or let another couple know where they can find us. It'll make them happy and it'll make us really happy.
[00:24:12] Speaker A: Until next time, keep on living the team life.
