Episode Transcript
Speaker 1 00:00:04 Achieving big dreams starts with small goals. Getting clear on what you want and how you're going to achieve it is step one in living the life you really want. Today on living the team life, we break down the fundamentals behind goal setting and share with you how some of our goals panned out in 2022.
Speaker 2 00:00:24 Hey, we're Kim and Rod, and we're here to show couples how to get the best out of their relationship so they can start living their dream life together.
Speaker 1 00:00:31 We're a west Aussie couple who are living the life of our dreams. We don't entertain the word should we think about the future as a field of possibilities, and we'll let joy be our compass.
Speaker 2 00:00:39 We've taken the simple idea of working as a team and applied it to our marriage, and it's been a game changer, allowing us to work out what truly lights us up in life and to go after
Speaker 1 00:00:48 It together. From living in snowy Japan to starting our own house ripping business, we've achieved some big dreams, and most importantly, we feel fulfilled and are having the most fun we've ever had.
Speaker 2 00:00:57 Hey, conversations from inspiring couples, thoughts from relationship experts entails from our own lives. As we help you to gain the wisdom and skills you'll need to turn your relationship into a real team.
Speaker 1 00:01:07 These are relationship conversations for real people, by real people. So sit back, get comfort from whatever tickles you pickle, and enjoy living the team life.
Speaker 2 00:01:23 Something that we talked about before the show that was, that was a really lovely reflection for us, was the fact that people in the past have said to us on multiple occasions that they wished they could make the life decisions that we've made. So, for example, when we moved to, uh, Japan to the snow fields, which was a huge dream of ours and took a lot of work and a lot of planning and processing over years, people would say, I wish I could do that. And we were sort of a bit fuddled by it, because you can do it, anyone can do it. You do have to plan, you do have to spend the time. You know, we'd gone up in summertime, we had spent years getting towards this goal, but the way people said it was, what sort of surprised us was, was like, it was an impossible, right?
Speaker 1 00:02:13 Yeah. I wish I could do that. Yeah. Yeah. More like, oh, I just can't, like, I don't have the opportunity. I've got too much other stuff going on, and maybe I'm not willing to make the sacrifices to get up
Speaker 2 00:02:24 There. Yes. Yeah. We, it can't, it, it's been a surprising thing for us. And then also I think, um, where we started flipping houses, we had the same reaction from people. People would say, oh, I've always wanted to do that. I watched the shows, and again, you and I were a bit a bit shocked because if you really always wanted to do that, why, why haven't
Speaker 1 00:02:50 You, why, why don't you, we, we had, we had tradies. Why don't you, we had tradies constantly saying that to us. Yeah. Tradies going, oh, flip houses. I really, I really always wanted to, to do that. I want to get into it. It's like you, you're a, you've got a trade, like Yeah. You are more prepared than perhaps Kim and I
Speaker 2 00:03:05 Io Yeah. And before anyone says anything about, well, it's about financial accessibility. The the truth is there are so many ways you can fulfill a goal, and so many ways you can set a goal to match your own circumstances. It's, it's not, you know, the, I think anyone that sort of thinks that, well, it's just a matter of whether you can or you can't. Financially, that's just not true. Goals are so adaptable that it's, it's a matter of really a setting the goal for you that's
Speaker 1 00:03:33 Achievable. Yeah. So while at a higher level saying where there's a will, there's a way, yes, might be a bit, might be a bit too flippant, but really that is the crux of it. So I guess let's get into what goals are.
Speaker 2 00:03:46 Okay. What goals are, uh, really they're a part of the process towards achieving your dreams. That's how I look at goals. They're a part of a process to achieving your games. They're the dreams. There's a bigger process. Uh, it's not just about goal setting, but it is a really important part of, of yeah. Getting, getting the life that you want, which we talk about a lot, you know, and is a, is a huge part of what we're here for. What we are hoping to share with people, and, and Im part on people, is that living your dreams is, is the ultimate. That's the life you really want and, and goals are a part of that process.
Speaker 1 00:04:27 G goals are a target, aren't they? Go. Goals are something that you, you aim at, um, and you never hit a target you don't aim at, right? So we, we want something, we need to achieve it. So how do we achieve it? Well, the first step is going, I want that, and I'm gonna put some focus towards it.
Speaker 2 00:04:46 Yeah, absolutely. So why use goals particular?
Speaker 1 00:04:51 Well, just like I said about the aiming in the target, um, there, there's that old adage of, um, you never achieve a goal. You don't set. So if we do want to achieve something out of life, if we do want to achieve things as people, and I guess the best growth you get in your life is about how you achieve things. And, um, to be successful, you have to have actually tried to go and do something that you wanted to be successful at, that you wanted to achieve. So using a goal, I guess, is a structured way of achieving what you want to get.
Speaker 2 00:05:24 Yes, definitely. A structured way of achieving that, that dream life or that, um, whatever higher thing is that you're seeking, uh, it's something that I guess it moves you towards where you wanna be going to a greater end and, and gives you direction towards that, doesn't it? That I, I think goals demystify things like dreams, which can feel, dreams can feel very aloof when people say, oh, it's a dream of mine. I don't know how connected they feel to the dream, because it can feel impossible or too far removed. But once you add goals in, once you start to be part of that process toward the dream, it's giving you direction and it is really connecting you to the reality of that dream.
Speaker 1 00:06:13 What becomes tangible. And, um, it's like saying something out loud sometimes makes it real. It's not just all in your head. And of course, you know, you can have goals in your head, um, you know, you can work towards it, but you know, it really, a goal is a tool to achieve what you want to do.
Speaker 2 00:06:30 Yeah. The other thing that I think is helpful for, for people to know is we talk about, uh, motivation a lot in society and waiting to get motivation or finding what time of day you're more motivated. And, you know, people say, get up in the morning and there's a lot of people out there talking about their morning routines and how that's created their dream life and all of that. And the premise being that you're more motivated in the morning, that you're more driven in the morning. But research actually tells us that motivation is uncontrollable and, and fleeting and can strike at different points, like willpower, different points in the day without you having any I input as to when it comes about. Right. Motiv, as we know, like I, I, I wanna clean my room, I'm waiting for motivation to strike <laugh>. We never know when it's coming.
Speaker 2 00:07:20 What, what we've learned or what research is telling us is that momentum is a really important part of motivation. And actually to get momentum, you just need to start working towards something. So, so to get momentum, we actually need to see progress. So when I say you just start, I'm saying that once you start working towards a goal, task, anything like that, you, you create progress. And actually the brain registering that progress creates momentum and builds drive towards continuing that. So, um, in terms of goal, goal setting and, and why we have goals, they help us to work towards something to begin something which then creates momentum and, and builds the path towards the goal. So it's a self-fulfilling prophecy is what I'm trying to get to.
Speaker 1 00:08:23 <laugh>. Yeah. And, and there's often that, again, I'm sound like an old man sitting on a stump giving old adages here, but, um, there's the, the, uh, what you say is you, if you've got a job to do, give it to a busy person. And I actually think it's a, if you've got a goal to achieve, give it to someone who achieves goals.
Speaker 2 00:08:41 You know, because they have flow already. Is that what you're saying? They've got the flow state
Speaker 1 00:08:45 Because they do. Um, you know, you know what it's like when momentum's such a powerful beast when you, uh, when you, you can definitely get into a, a rut of where you're just not achieving anything and you think, well, I can't achieve anything. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, while, you know, goals are there to help you get out of those ruts and start, and once you start achieving goals little by little bit by bit, that can allow you to then work towards bigger goals in your life. Yeah, absolutely. And, and there's a big difference. I think a great example might be the difference between a New Year's resolution and a goal, a new Year's resolution is what it is. A resolution when people make them go, I want to get healthier. I wanna get,
Speaker 2 00:09:22 It's a higher goal. I I I, there's a few people who talk about this interesting, like, interestingly because people say, uh, often that resolutions aren't specific enough and they're a bit useless, they're not actually resolutions. I think Mark Manson, the author of, um, the Satellite are Not Giving a Fuck, talks about having specific goals and having, I think he calls them long, long-term goals, right. And I saw a crossover between long-term goals and values, which we'll get into values in a little bit. In that the, and, and, and, and again, a crossover with resolutions, which could also be called longer term goals or, or, or even values. What they're saying when they say I wanna be healthy is I value my health. Yeah. I'm valuing my health. It's not got enough spec specific specificity.
Speaker 1 00:10:13 That was always gonna be a tough one. <laugh> be <laugh>
Speaker 2 00:10:18 To be a, to be a goal. But it is an important reflection on the direction and, and life that the person wants.
Speaker 1 00:10:27 It's a great starting point. This is absolutely is what I want. Um, this is
Speaker 2 00:10:31 The outcome I want is the
Speaker 1 00:10:33 Person I want this the outcome I want. But yeah. But then it's about putting a framework behind. Yes. Which is what a goal is. So if, if we understand now why we set goals and what they are, well, what do you think is, how do you set yourself up for success? What is the be what gives you the best chance of achieving your goals?
Speaker 2 00:10:53 Uh, the first thing I'm gonna talk about is on that is a little bit interesting in that prob probably not the first thing people would think about, but when I set goals these days, I'm very careful to do it from a, a positive standpoint. And what I mean by that is, in the past I would often set goals from a punishment mentality. So my goals were to punish myself because I wasn't being the person I thought I should
Speaker 1 00:11:25 Be. Can you give an example?
Speaker 2 00:11:28 Um, oh, okay. Well, I, I can't think of a specific one for me off the top of my head, but I can think of
Speaker 1 00:11:36 That's right. Just a generic one.
Speaker 2 00:11:38 A generic example would be, understand what you're saying that you hear a lot of people saying is, um, I, so what they're wanting is to lose weight, right? And they might say, um, I can only, I'm gonna set myself a goal that I can only, I don't know, go out on a Saturday night if I've lost a kilo for the week.
Speaker 1 00:12:01 Oh, that sounds awful. <laugh>.
Speaker 2 00:12:04 I dunno, it's a bit random. I don't know who
Speaker 1 00:12:06 It's, no, but pe people do it. It's a pun. It's a punishment goal. It's, it's
Speaker 2 00:12:09 Got a
Speaker 1 00:12:09 Punishment. I can only do X if I achieve
Speaker 2 00:12:11 That. Correct. It's got a punishment caveat on it. Yeah. And, and I have definitely set those. I guess when I was doing, cuz I've, I've studied quite a, for quite a lot of years of my life, <laugh> I guess when I was doing various studies, I would set myself goals like that, that I would say, I can, I can only go out or I can only have a break and have a cup of tea if I've finished A, B and C. And the problem with that is when you set yourself that punishment mentality goal, it actually increases your anxiety because you're worried about not getting there and getting to the break. And it, when you increase that anxiety, it, it decreases your ability to concentrate, which it becomes a cycle. Then you are all of a sudden panicking because you're not gonna get to the goal that you've set. Then shame sets in that you're not achieving. Cuz you've already told yourself, you punished yourself in the first place cuz you don't think you're good enough to get there. So you deserve some sort of punishment.
Speaker 1 00:13:11 I, I can to I can totally understand what you mean by negative goals now. And I think a lot of people do use them. Yeah. And they might frame them as, oh, actually no, I was giving myself a reward, but know what really you were doing. Yes. You was taking something away from yourself and you are, uh, you are just being maybe a bit too hard on yourself. Now if you're someone who achieves goals all the time or that works for you, maybe that that is okay. And I, and for some people it could work. I just don't think it's sustainable over a long, a long period of time.
Speaker 2 00:13:37 I, I absolutely agree. I think in the short term, and also certain personalities are attracted more to that style depending on how you were brought up, et cetera. But in the short term, sometimes it can be, it can feel successful. It's not sustainable from a higher level because you're not being kind to yourself. Yeah. You're not building up your sense of self and your confidence in yourself. So why would you achieve more? Ultimately because you don't believe in yourself. Like there's a, there's an inherent lack of belief in self that kindness and love will actually get you through. Instead, you feel like that you need to punish yourself to get there. And yeah. So that's the, I I guess
Speaker 1 00:14:20 That's not so, so setting positive goals and what else can we
Speaker 2 00:14:23 Do? Setting setting goals with a positive mindset and a positive framework. So not using the punishment framework. Yep. Um, the other thing that I think is super important, and all the research sort of gears towards this, you see this in businesses and in, in I guess personal goal setting is people talk about the smart, the smart
Speaker 1 00:14:42 Framework. Yeah. I think any, anyone who's worked for, uh, a medium to large company or e even maybe in, um, you know, higher education degrees, you would've come across smart goals. But, you know, we we're starting with the basics here and maybe not basic, maybe just better to say the fundamentals.
Speaker 2 00:14:58 Yeah. Yep. And I think, look, we don't, we're not saying when you set your personal goals, you have to pull the SMART framework out. But I think more from a a just a general perspective or a, a general understanding of what smart is, it's helpful to keep it in mind. So the smart goal is an an, an, an anagram Anagram, yeah.
Speaker 1 00:15:21 Anagram spec
Speaker 2 00:15:22 Specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time bound. Yeah. So they're the five, um, SM a r t the five components of the smart framework for setting goals. And, and the really the gist of the smart framework is that you are specific in your goal setting. So, you know, you need to be really thinking this goal through and making sure that what you set gives you parameters that, that will guide you to achieve this
Speaker 1 00:15:54 Goal. Yeah. So instead of, I want to lose weight, it's, I want to lose five kilograms
Speaker 2 00:16:02 By December.
Speaker 1 00:16:03 Well, I wanna lose five kilograms by Yeah. Well dec it's December now, so <laugh>, oh my god. <laugh>. But December next year, um, and I think
Speaker 2 00:16:13 December next year,
Speaker 1 00:16:13 It's a great example. So if we look, I wanna lose five kilograms in 12 months. Yeah. That's a super achievable goal for, for most people. I mean, if you already, um, you know, got very low body fat percentages, which is, I don't have a problem with, um, you <laugh>, you know, most people go, I need to, I need to lose weight by summer, and it's September. And it's like, you know, come on, uh, you know, you, you're setting yourself up for failure there. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And that's when we talk about achievable, the measurable was the 5K G Um, the relevant was, well, of course your health and your weight is relevant and time bound. Yes. You are setting, you are setting a timeframe. So saying I wanna lose five kilograms by December next year, I think is a def a smart goal.
Speaker 2 00:16:58 Yes. Yep. Yep. And you know, what we were talking about, uh, before in terms of, and, and you just touched on it then with the smart, it's really about, um, short term specific goals. So that's where Mark Manson talked about the long term versus the short term or what you were talking about, which was New Year's resolutions versus short term. So those, those higher goals that you set are actually really, really important in that they're telling you the person you want to be. And I would say they're really reflective of your values and we are gonna get into values in another show because that's, that's really its own caper, um, and a really important topic. But the, the higher goals that have those conversations about who you wanna be, right. And what matters to you, they are super important. They're really more values than goals. When we set our goals that we wanna achieve, we want them to be shorter term and we want them to be more specific, more deliberate in, in what, what exactly that goal's going to look
Speaker 1 00:18:02 Like. Yeah. So while we might say it is important to have a five year, five year goals and five year plan, which you and I do have, um, you know, just like any good business or any, um, any sporting team, they'll have a, we want to achieve this in five years. That's all, that's all well and good, but really you've gotta understand what you wanna achieve for the next 12 months. What do you wanna achieve in the next six months? And then really you should be going almost week by week, what do I want to achieve? And you and I have those conversations all the time to keep on track with our goals.
Speaker 2 00:18:31 Yeah, absolutely. And the other thing that I would just touch on when you are setting your goals and you wanna have a best chance at success, is don't set your goals from a mentality or a mindset of fomo.
Speaker 1 00:18:47 <laugh> <laugh>.
Speaker 2 00:18:48 It, it is. So right. In today's, with social media, I cannot tell you how many times I would've looked at an image of someone doing something or looking a certain way or wearing a certain outfit or talking about their business or whatever. And you have that thought that I want that and I feel like I'm missing out. And so I'm gonna set that goal without actually checking back in. And this comes back to the values and the higher self of like, who, who do I want to be? You want to align who you want to be with the goal you are setting. And if you go ahead and set a FOMO based goal, you haven't checked in, is that actually aligned with who I wanna be? Because sometimes what's great for another person and, and might even cause like that tinge of jealousy or envy or inspiration you might call it in a positive light, isn't actually who you wanna be. It just might be great for them.
Speaker 1 00:19:43 Yeah. I actually think that might be a key reason why a lot of goals people do fail in their goals. Mm. It's, it's because they set goals that aren't actually aligned with who they want to be and, and their values and where they want to go. They just seem like it's a FOMO goal. It's like, well, everyone else is doing it, or that looks really good. Um, it's a goal where they go, well, I should be doing this, I should be doing A, B, C. And you have to really want to achieve something to, what's the best way to describe it? You have to actually, goals are hard to achieve. Um, if they, you know, we can talk about stretch goals where goals which are super hard to achieve and we wanna push ourselves, but a goal by any means is hard to achieve. And so you have to have the drive from the want to want to be able to do that.
Speaker 2 00:20:34 Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1 00:20:35 Um, but that, that I reckon, do you think as a result about people having that fomo, um, and, and you know, we probably believe that maybe that is one of the reasons why goals fail, is there, there's maybe a bit of an unspoken side to goals that people aren't missing out on. So you've given us one of the, some of the key reasons of how to set yourself up for success when setting goals. But is there something hidden behind the curtain wizard of AZ style that we're not seeing?
Speaker 2 00:21:04 I really think there is, and I, again, coming back to Mark Manson, who I quite enjoy, um, reading his, his thoughts and he, you know, he obviously backs 'em up with research. He's very big on that. Uh, but one of the things he talks about in terms of goal setting, the, the unspoken side of goal setting is goal aren't actually about what you want to achieve as much as they are about what you're willing to give up. And I think he, I think he actually calls it what he says, what pain do you want in your life? And I think that word pain is really powerful because obviously if you ask people if they want pain in their life, <laugh>, <laugh>, I mean, who says, sure, I want pain in my life. But just using, you know, a g a goal that we set as an example and a scenario that we've lived through was when we did the Great Ocean Road marathon that was 45 kilometers, just an extra reone in there for good luck. Um, and that was, that was a big goal for us. I think we set that out maybe 12 months out from when we were going to run
Speaker 1 00:22:15 It may maybe a little bit shorter,
Speaker 2 00:22:16 Little bit less, yeah. It was pretty close. Like we knew we wanted to do it for quite a long time. And we just to set this up properly, we are runners, we've always run you,
Speaker 1 00:22:25 You are a little bit more than me, but I've always enjoyed running. And it's something at that I still do twice a week.
Speaker 2 00:22:30 We, we, we'd run quite a few half marathons though it wasn't, it wasn't out of,
Speaker 1 00:22:34 It wasn't foreign to
Speaker 2 00:22:35 Us and it wasn't not achievable. Yeah. Like it was an achievable
Speaker 1 00:22:37 And we weren't doing it because someone else w we saw someone else going, I'm running a marathon, we go, we can run marathons. It'd be great to have on the cv.
Speaker 2 00:22:45 Yeah, exactly. No, it was definitely for us, it would, it had come from an intrinsic want to achieve this, this hard goal and meet this dream of ours really to run. I, I had run one marathon, but you hadn't run any to r to run a marathon. And, and this, this particular marathon's very beautiful. It's a great ocean road. So you, the scenery is just insane.
Speaker 1 00:23:04 Yeah. One of, one of the most stunning coast lines in the world.
Speaker 2 00:23:06 Absolutely. It was absolutely incredible. I don't know how much you enjoyed the
Speaker 1 00:23:10 <laugh>. Oh, I, I, it was probably the worst experiences in my life. <laugh>. I know some people get to the end of a marathon and they're like, oh man, that was tough. Can't wait to do the next one. I got to the end, I was like, yep. Um, and we're done. <laugh> tick.
Speaker 2 00:23:25 Done. You, you had a bit of a rough trot. You your headphones broke. But anyway, I am digressing. The point of what I was getting to is what Mark Manson spoke about, which is what pain are you, do you want in your life? And the reality is that training for that marathon was extraordinarily painful.
Speaker 1 00:23:43 It was early mornings, 30 K runs ice baths
Speaker 2 00:23:46 For me. I had a bunky knee that already needed surgery, so I had to have multiple cortisone injections, which are painful. And I had to run in pain. And then you did not ice bath <laugh>, I ice
Speaker 1 00:24:00 Bathed. I couldn't get my toes in. I've got big toes, I've got one of those feet with big toes and they stuck out
Speaker 2 00:24:05 Surface area of your toes. That was it. Yeah,
Speaker 1 00:24:08 That was right. Head
Speaker 2 00:24:09 Toes. The point was, when we came into the planning and the goal setting, we did talk about how much time we were going to have to give up, what were we willing to give up, what were we going to sacrifice
Speaker 1 00:24:21 Night nights out, which was a big thing. The nights out with our friends,
Speaker 2 00:24:24 We were younger. This was, we were what, what, 26 or something?
Speaker 1 00:24:27 Yeah, yeah. Late, late twenties. So, you know, we're busy with work. We like to what you do when you don't have kids and you Yeah. You, you, you hang out with friends and, and get drunk, uh, go out to dinners and stuff like that. So, but we were up at four, four o'clock training, so
Speaker 2 00:24:40 Absolutely Saturday mornings we, at Sunday mornings you had to back it up. We got very clear on what we were willing to endure and what we were willing to sacrifice. And as a result, as that unfolded through throughout the year, there was, again, relatively little friction for
Speaker 1 00:24:56 Us. Yeah. So, and and you're hearing this in the PD space a lot at the moment, is, um, get comfortable being uncomfortable. Mm-hmm. Or, you know, feel, you know, the hurt a bit of the, it is a bit Dave Goggin's Goggins esque, or he's, he's
Speaker 2 00:25:09 Is there's another level
Speaker 1 00:25:10 <laugh>. He's, he's a, he's a another level. He's the chinup king. He's the everything king. Uh, but I think that's a great point is that you have to be willing, you have to understand and be willing to give up certain things just as much as you are wanting to achieve the thing you do want to actually go after. Yeah. And you know, the, uh, a bit of a NAF way describing it, but actually one of the truest ways is you have to be willing to be prepared to go on the journey. But the fact is, the journey's your life. So we can use the word journey all the time, but it's okay. So I'm setting a goal 12 months out. I, so I, I use weight loss a bit because one, it is one of the number one goals that is used every year in Australia. And I, I know I've, I've been, um, working towards my own, uh, weight loss goals this year. Is that
Speaker 2 00:25:59 And done amazingly well?
Speaker 1 00:26:01 We'll, we'll, we'll do it. You hit your
Speaker 2 00:26:02 Goal, Dave.
Speaker 1 00:26:03 I did. My God, I had a goal, I had a goal, um, to lose, uh, to lose nine kilograms in six months, which, which high five. And I actually, and I achieved it. And, um, one of the ways, you know, I, I'd made this goal a lot of times, like, a lot of times, but usually it was a goal of I just wanna lose weight. So one, I was actually specific about it. Um, I, I did measure it. It was nine kgs. I had a timeline on it, um, six months. Um, but I did, I, i, it felt to me achievable because I felt at that time I was willing to go on the journey of what it took in terms of exercising six times a week and reducing my snacky snacks. So that's a big one for me. There's a few things in life that are non-negotiables for me generally, which is, um, apart from, you know, my beautiful wife and, and my kid and my pug. Um, I like a beer. I like my food, I like time with my, my mates, um mm-hmm. <affirmative>, uh, you know, and I, and I like to watch sports. So for me,
Speaker 2 00:27:06 You hadn't been willing before this year to sacrifice your freedom around food. That was the difference
Speaker 1 00:27:14 That I saw. Yeah. So a big thing for me was I can eat whatever I want, three, three times a day during bills, but nothing outside of that. And people might go, well, that doesn't, that seems to, but I already exercised quite a bit. And I always had that mentality of, well, if I exercise, I exercise today so I can go have that pint, or I can eat a palmie, or I can do th or I can sit and eat peanuts in the afternoon with the beer. So my big thing was just being, you know, strict and people can say, oh, well that's, that, is that a negative goal? And it was like, no, actually it was positive because I didn't punish myself at my mealtimes. If I wanna have fried chicken and waffles for breakfast, like, damn right, I'm having fried chicken wolves. But what you find is you don't, you actually don't feel like fried chicken. Waff
Speaker 2 00:27:57 You weren't punishing yourself though, in that you weren't, you absolutely weren't saying, if I don't do a, I can't have b that's a punishment result, right? Where you're like, if I don't do a, I can't have B you never set that framework up. It's quite different. And this is what Ma Ma Manson talks about is it's, it's more about bringing an awareness and a consciousness to the fact that achieving goals requires sacrifice and pain. Yep. That's all he's saying is the simple truth is, I think really honestly, when I read this from him, it was just so brilliant because it just summarized a really key psychology for people, which is, it's lovely to have a big dream and a big goal that the reason people set so many goals at the start of the year is cause they're excited and inspired and they've been around family and they're thinking about all the possibilities. They think about only the fun end result. They do not bring into their consciousness in any way. And I'm guilty of it a million times over. They, I haven't brought into my consciousness n what I'm gonna have to give up to get to that, to that dream that I'm having. Right. And that lovely thought I'm having cuz it's lovely dreams and goals at the start of the year are just lovely. They're so fun to
Speaker 1 00:29:11 Have. Especially, you know, it's been Christmas, you had a bit of Christmas pudding. Yeah. A bit of whiskey and champagne. He come to New Year's and go tell you what I'm gonna crack on with a few goals. Yeah. But you, but you really think about, okay, but what am I willing to give up? Well, am I willing to sacrifice? What am I willing to get uncomfortable if, what pain am I willing to go through? And for me, with my weight loss goal I had, it was a moment of acceptance to say I'm yes, I'm okay not snacking during the day. And at 10:00 AM that's hard. So I have a cup of tea, um, at three and 4:00 PM it, it's real hard <laugh>. And I'm, I'm sitting there looking at my chili peanuts and a beer and I'm just going, oh, oh man, I, I want you so bad. <laugh> <laugh>.
Speaker 2 00:29:54 Has anyone else talk to food like that?
Speaker 1 00:29:57 Well, I do. Um, anyway, I think this is a great segue actually because I, I think what really, um, mattered to me in that moment, um, with that, not in that moment, but with that goal was also the support I got from you. But because to do that, I did have to actually step my exercise ga exercise game up to six times a week. Um, and to do that I needed support from you. And I think that's what I, what I'd like to talk about now is actually how important is and why it's important to set goals as a team. And I think, um, what people misunderstand and so I wanna set the records, um, straight up is when you do set goals as a team, yes you have team goals, that's really important. Goals you need to achieve together, but you also have individual goals which you need support from your partner from.
Speaker 1 00:30:42 Yeah. So for me, I, I wanted to lose nine kilograms. And so we had to look at how we were eating, um, mostly me and also like, okay, well, you know, we're trying to start a new business. Um, we've gotta pick up the, the little bug from, from school during these times. And yet you are, you are gonna, we are gonna have to fit in exercise six times a week. And some of my exercise has gone from a six K run, which took 30 minutes now to, uh, a 10 K run, which is taking twice as long. And to do that, I needed your support.
Speaker 2 00:31:15 Yeah, it's interesting. I mean, if you think about an office environment, even within a team, you don't just have team goals. The individual in a, in a progressive office space will have their own individual goals. They will have also outlined with their manager and the manager's responsibility will be to ensure that the individual is given the ability to achieve their individual goals as well as the team goals. Right. So it it's all about communication and support for one
Speaker 1 00:31:54 Another. Yeah. And, and a successful company is all about how do we align, um, the goals of the individual to the common to the group. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you know, cascading down those goals of this is where we want to go as a business. Okay. So we need to break that down into our strategic objectives, break that down into goals, and then break that down into the individual goals for each person. But of course we want them to be involved and we want them to also achieve their career and personal goals as well. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> there it's a 20 billion industry, the management, consulting and and goal industry. And yet who's doing it for couples? Well, I guess we are now
Speaker 2 00:32:32 <laugh>. Yeah. Yep. Um, okay. So moving on to what we have done in regards to goals this year to give people a little snapshot, a
Speaker 1 00:32:45 Bit of a voyeuristic insight into our lives. <laugh>,
Speaker 2 00:32:47 Little
Speaker 1 00:32:48 Snapshot insight. Oh, so Roger, you, you like snacky snacks. What else can you tell me? <laugh>,
Speaker 2 00:32:53 Let's have a chat through three of the goals that we work towards this year. And one,
Speaker 1 00:32:59 These, these are fresh in our minds. Sorry they are fresh in our, because we actually did our, uh, 2022 goal review last week.
Speaker 2 00:33:06 Yep. We did. And we have picked out three that we can share with you guys and one that we actually failed at and we'll go through that as well. So I'll just kick off with the first one, which we had a goal of spending time together alone every two weeks.
Speaker 1 00:33:24 Yeah. And, and you can see why it's so important to have goals set as a team because time together is something that most couples really struggle to get. Especially couples with kids. Yeah. Um, uh, you know, whether you're both working full-time out outside the house or not. Um, I think most people, their number one thing these days would be, well, I, I don't have enough time to have that intimate connection. And I'm not just talking about the rumpy pumpy, I'm talking about actually just having time to Well, don't pull that face.
Speaker 2 00:34:00 Please don't talk
Speaker 1 00:34:01 About the snooky dookie. Um, uh, they, they can't find that intimate time where they need to connect with their partner.
Speaker 2 00:34:09 Yeah. It's an interesting one cuz I'm sure people are listening are thinking, well that's not very specific. But the goal was so powerful for us because it's so aligned with what we value that we didn't need to be specific. We actually wanted flexibility in this goal to interpret it in lots of different ways. Cuz we spend time together from like three minutes together to three hours together that can be as equally as powerful.
Speaker 1 00:34:39 Yeah. And it was measurable and it was achievable. Although there, there was gonna be some give and take about whether we could find that time.
Speaker 2 00:34:47 It was the intention to spend time together, meaningful time alone. So that meant without our daughter present. And we found it in so many ways. We found it by saying rather than quickly scoffing down kitchen, um, lunch in the kitchen before we go to a meeting or whatever it is we are doing, we'll say, you know what, let's give ourselves 30 minutes, grab a roll head down to the river and just sit together in front of the river and eat that roll that is meaningful time alone together. It's not a lot of time, it still has a function to it. We've managed to eat lunch, but it has been deliberate in that the thought as we've done it was partly on hitting that goal.
Speaker 1 00:35:26 Yeah. And look, it was very much aligned with our values is where you and I know we are better parents and we are better towards each other when we have those moments to connect. We spend a lot of time around each other, other, but we're running a business or we're looking after a a kid. And whether your kid has, uh, additional needs or not, like our kid does it, it's very hard to have that moments of connection with a screaming five year old running through the house. It's also very hard to have that moment connection when you've got your business hat on. Yeah. So for us it was very much aligned with our values. It was something we both really want. Um, and so we're willing to put the time and effort into it. Yeah,
Speaker 2 00:36:04 Absolutely. And we achieved it and we achieved it.
Speaker 1 00:36:06 So tick, tick, win. Alright,
Speaker 2 00:36:07 <laugh> achieving good. <laugh>. Um, number two, this goal was called, um, household, sorry, called this call goal was having the household functionally organized. And our definition of that, uh, meant was that we, we wanted everything in the house to have a home. That's what we considered functionally organized. And to do that, when we broke that out, we said we needed to buy a very big shed. We already had three sheds, but we needed three small sheds as, uh, quite dysfunctional. You just stuff things into them. One large shed much more functional, you can walk around in it and create the functional space outside so that we could move the things that were not needed every day inside out there and give us the space. And also we had identified where we could put more cupboards into the house so that everything had a home.
Speaker 1 00:37:00 Yeah. So this was more about us making the house more functional instead of having stuff everywhere so we could, um, spend better quality time with our daughter. We could actually, you know, you've all, you've got a bit of a saying which is clean house, clean day. Did I get that right? Yep. Um, and it, and it has actually helped me, um, you know, be a, be a bit better with not just leaving my clothes all over the house. Um, and also just we remember we've, we've got our office inside the house as well. Yeah. And so we've constantly got equipment, we've constantly got papers here, there and everywhere. So again, this was an important goal for us. And we at our start, I remember you saying it's like I, I I, I almost can't see the forest from the trees with this because we had to, we had so much stuff <laugh> we had, and although we had to, we had to put the pad down for it. We're we're, again, we're running a, a business separately. This was a personal household goal that had to run alongside. And of course you've only got so many hours in a day. So it was a slow burning goal. Um, but we set a timeline. Um, we, we made it very, uh, achievable and we broke it down into little goals which helped as well.
Speaker 2 00:38:05 Yeah. Yep. Absolutely.
Speaker 1 00:38:07 And so another tick,
Speaker 2 00:38:08 It was a big tick and that, and that did change in terms of quality of life. The organization helped significantly, especially around the ability, you know, from a big, like a bigger standpoint, our ability to engage with our daughter meaningfully. So use her toys really meaningfully increase tenfold because we could, they were sorted into very specific categories. And I know people are thinking, well, I I haven't got time to do that.
Speaker 1 00:38:36 Ne neither do we. Neither do we <laugh>. But it was a joint goal we made together. And so when it came to prioritizing the goal, we, neither of us were going, well that's not an as important to me, or Well, I've got a, B, or C to do because it's a goal we came up together. Yeah. And once you're aligned with, once you've got alignment in your goals, you both become accountable towards them.
Speaker 2 00:38:59 So True. Yeah. Okay. Third was to, uh, a business goal we had, which was that we had a Reno project, um, that we were working on at the start of the year. And that was to sell that for the, uh, profit margin that we had in the feasibility when we purchased it. And that goal was achieved as well. Yeah. Which is good. Um, it, it did get, it did shift timing wise. We had a timing around it and for certain reasons outside of our control, the timing around it had to shift. So we did have to be a little bit agile with that goal and, and let the timing on it slide. We kept the goal itself the same. But we did let the
Speaker 1 00:39:39 Goal, we, we, we set a stretch timeline. We didn't achieve that stretch timeline, but we still achieved the overall goal and that made it okay. Um, you know, and that's something that you can do. So when we talk about a goal being achievable in time bound, once you get better at, uh, once you get better at setting goals, you can, you can start to set stretch goals, which really much means that you're challenging yourself a little bit. And we had to do that cause we were running a business and we always wanna push ourselves. Um, but you don't, you don't have to do that. But if you feel you've got the confidence up and you've got momentum, it's a great way to do it. And yeah, sometimes it hurts a little bit. We sort of look back, um, straight after we look back and go, oh, that hurt that, that, that's not quite how it turned out. But as time goes on and in retrospect, I think we look back a bit more and a bit more proud.
Speaker 2 00:40:25 Yeah, it's true, isn't it? The stretch goal is probably a double edged sword. Yeah. Because you can come become tethered to the stretch, which, you know, from an achievable perspective Yeah. It's, it's not necessarily as achievable as what the, just the standard goal is. Um, and, and you don't wanna get in that mindset when you have hit what your goal was, but you didn't hit your stretch target of not, of not living in that success and, and really appreciating what you have achieved. And I definitely think that's not the first time you and I have run the risk of that because we like to set stretch
Speaker 1 00:40:58 Goals. Yeah. And, and one, one of our big things we, we harp on about a little bit is our, um, is celebrating wins. And I think at first we found it a little bit hard to celebrate the win and it was a win. We were very happy with the result, but because we didn't hit some of our stretch targets, we, uh, we were a bit flat. But now, again, looking back months and months later, I, I sit there and I've got a lot of pride around that
Speaker 2 00:41:20 Goal. Absolutely. Me too. And the last goal we thought we'd talk about was the acquiring a new project, another business goal. So just on the back of that, obviously people wonder what's the next project? What are you flipping next? And we actually made a conscious decision not to buy something after that project because, well, for a multitude of business reasons, really, uh, not least of which the market is, is is moving at a very fast pace in a different direction.
Speaker 1 00:41:49 Yeah. So while we had the goal at the, at the start of the year to to sell one property and then pretty much straightaway buy another mm-hmm. <affirmative>, um, when we came to review that goal, we realized that it wasn't actually the right thing to do for
Speaker 2 00:42:04 Us, wasn't right for us for a lot of reasons. And it wasn't gonna add up for us for right now. And so we made a conscious decision to actually fail at that goal. We didn't need it anymore. It didn't reflect what we wanted in that moment. And so we've let that goal, technically we didn't achieve that goal. And, and that was a decision we made. And I think sometimes choosing what you need to let go of and being flexible enough to say when the goal isn't gonna serve you anymore, because life changes, circumstance, markets change. You know, we could never have predicted the building industry would get as hot as it did. Yeah. And that was really the, what the key factor in, in us changing our decision on that goal is, is not even the property market, the building
Speaker 1 00:42:43 Industry. Yeah. And not being so stubborn to say, well that's the goal we've set. I have to achieve that goal. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> actually giving ourselves the time and space to think again and go, well actually, you know, looking at where we want to go in our lives, where we need to go in our business, we need to rethink that and we need to look at that. And we still will do, uh, a flipping project in the future, but when the market in time's arrive, and now we're actually on a new business venture, which is super exciting.
Speaker 2 00:43:10 So that's our episode for today. Rod, what's your big takeaway from today?
Speaker 1 00:43:15 My big takeout was that, you know, we can spend all this time on so many different things in life, but a goal is just making sure we're spending it on the right things. And you, what's your big takeout?
Speaker 2 00:43:28 So the big takeout for me today was that goals are about what you are willing to give up. And the reason I really like this takeout is because it actually sets us up. It gives us a framework for self-compassion. When we undertake a goal, we're not gonna be able to do some of the other things we would like to be able to do. We're not gonna have the resources to do all of the things. And I think that's a really important takeaway for people is get ready to give things up, get ready to fail at things.
Speaker 1 00:44:03 You are amazing. You've just spent quality time on your relationship.
Speaker 2 00:44:07 Feel like you're on a roll. If you want more living, the team life, relationship, insights and conversations, head over to kim and rod.com where you can find all the show notes as well as tons of other relationship goodies.
Speaker 1 00:44:17 And if you like today's episode, please hit subscribe or let another couple know where they can find us. It'll make them happy and it'll make us really happy.
Speaker 2 00:44:25 Until next time, keep on living the team life.
