Episode Transcript
Speaker 0 00:00:00 <silence>
Speaker 1 00:00:03 Going all in. Sounds scary, right? Maybe it brings up thoughts of losing part of yourself or being too vulnerable, but we say it is the way to a better relationship and the life you really want. Is it risky? Sure. Will it pay off 1000%? You get comfy as we get ready to unpack by going all in on your relationship is the answer to a happier life. Hey, we're Kim and Rod and we're here to show couples how to get the best out of their relationship so they can start living their dream life together.
Speaker 2 00:00:38 We're a West Aussie couple who are living the life of our dreams. We don't entertain the word should we think about the future as a field of possibilities, and we let joy be our compass.
Speaker 1 00:00:47 We've taken the simple idea of working as a team and applied it to our marriage, and it's been a game changer, allowing us to work out what truly lights us up in life and to go after it together.
Speaker 2 00:00:56 From living in snowy Japan to starting our own house ripping business, we've achieved some big dreams and most importantly, we feel fulfilled and are having the most fun we've ever had.
Speaker 1 00:01:04 Pick conversations from inspiring couples, thoughts from relationship experts and tales from our own lives. As we help you to gain the wisdom and skills you'll need to turn your relationship into a real team. These are
Speaker 2 00:01:15 Relationship conversations for real people buy real people. So sit back, get comfortable, whatever tickles you, pickle and enjoy living the team life.
Speaker 1 00:01:31 Today we are talking about what is stopping you from going all in on your relationship. And when we were thinking about this podcast, obviously we reflected on our own lives and, and the trajectory, our relationships taken through not going all in and going all in later in life. It's hard to imagine though now not being all in on the relationship because we, we are so all in today.
Speaker 2 00:02:05 Most people know our story now. The first three years of our relationship, we were almost too all in. Um, but if there is a thing, uh, and then probably the seven, eight years after that, when we were coming into a more enduring love phase, we definitely weren't all in on the relationship. We were sometimes ships in the night. We loved each other very much, but we're going after our own goals, had our own plans, and we weren't very aligned in who we were and who we were as an entity. Juxtapose that with the second part of our relationship, the last 10 years where we have not only been aligned, but we've really doubled down on working as a team. And I think out of that we've just seen our individual lives and our relationship, uh, go from strength, strength and is born a lot of success from it.
Speaker 1 00:02:59 Yeah, it's interesting, isn't it, when I reflect back on that first period that you talked about sort of after the, you know, the initial attraction and all the excitement and, and when we were pretty intense. And then the young love. The young love. Yeah. It was young love for us. It, I don't think it was a deliberate decision not to go all in, although there was some deliberateness in it, uh, because we were keeping parts of ourselves back. I think that was more that we just listen to what society was telling us, which is stay independent, keep your individuality, you know, don't morph into your partner. All these sorts of like negative, maybe a little bit shaming ideas around being all in on the relationship. And we sort of heard that and just allowed things to potter along as a result as they were and, and to I guess lean into that social norm.
Speaker 1 00:03:54 And it's only really when I think about us, when we started talking, when we really sat down and we knew our relationship wasn't where we wanted it to be, we didn't know that we weren't all in on it. We didn't have the answers at that point, but we sat down and started talking and questioning, you know, how we felt about the relationship and our lives, our, what was happening in our lives, the direction they were taking and whether it was working for us. And, you know, we really actually started at a point of what was missing. 'cause we didn't know what we wanted. We, we just hadn't worked out what the secret was yet. Um, and we just started talking about what was missing and that was a big clue for what we really wanted. And that's where we started to sort of get this idea that we wanted more together.
Speaker 1 00:04:44 We wanted more out of life as a unit, as a couple, as a relationship. Uh, we didn't just want more on our own. We wanted to be aligned and purposeful together. And yeah, I guess that's sort of how the evolution of our going all in on our relationship looked. But let's unpack what we mean by going all in. Give you some more specifics to, to make it a little bit more tangible. And the first thing we would say is it means putting the relationship first. Now we talk about this quite a bit because it's kind of a novel idea in terms of what we talk about day to day. People don't, don't really say, oh, you're putting your relationship first. In fact, a lot of conversation is counter this that no, no, make sure you put the individual first. Make sure you are getting your needs met first. But actually when you go all in on the relationship, you put the relationship above the individual needs, you put it before those individual needs. And by doing this, by making the relationship entity the number one thing in your life, you build this sense of safety, you have this platform of fairness and you build a a, a team. A team where the team unit, just like in a sporting team, just like in a business team, the team unit comes first.
Speaker 2 00:06:12 Yeah, I think when we talk about putting the relationship first, it means that you are seeing it as its own separate entity. It has its own identity. And why that's important is because you're not just slotting it in among all the other things you have to do in your life. You're actually prioritizing it and you are making it a central part of all your life choices, your plannings, and even your daily routines to make sure it's constantly being taken care of.
Speaker 1 00:06:43 It's such an interesting point rangie, because you know, when you say slotting it in, I think the relationship in a lot of situations does get the leftovers, right? It just gets what's left. Yeah,
Speaker 2 00:06:54 It gets put it or it gets put last, but it's not like you make the decision to go, okay, we're gonna put the relationship last, but because you're not seeing it yes. As its own separate thing, it does get put last because you are not actually planning for it like you would yourselves or your kids or the house or the car or all these other things, these other responsibilities we have in our lives. But you have a responsibility to your partner and the relationship.
Speaker 1 00:07:22 Yeah. Do you know what else is coming to mind for me is the fact that you are not seeing necessarily the potential of putting the relationship first. When we recognize what this can do for you in life, I think people will be much more inclined to put the relationship first. It has so much potential. If you talk about how you want your future to be and all of the things that you want, that's potential. Your relationship has the potential to be the engine room and the driver for the dream life. You want the dream relationship, the dream life, all of it. That if you put the relationship first, it just has so much potential. So rather than thinking about it as, you know, another thing to do, you can think about it as the potential of it and what it can do for you.
Speaker 2 00:08:10 Yeah. And I liked what you said before, just picking up on that. You said it helps to build a sense of safety and think about that as a hierarchy of needs sort of thing. You know, our, that, that old, uh, hierarchy of needs pyramid, the first thing you had to do was look after your own personal safety and, and shelter before you could think about anything else. And it's the same in a relationship. If you feel that you are safe in a relationship, safe to be yourself, safe, to be your best self, and you're not gonna get criticized, you're not gonna get put second, third, fourth, or last. You're always gonna be put first. Then you have this freedom to do what really drives you. And it's not just us saying this at Google. They actually did a massive study which showed that the most, the best high performing teams, the teams that were seen as the best teams in their massive organization were ones that had a high level of psychological safety. And the reason was because you had to feel you were safe in your working environment in order to perform your best for the company. And it's exactly the same in your relationship.
Speaker 1 00:09:15 I mean, I won't go into psych theory on a detailed level, but we, this is just the, one of the most foundational parts of what we know about how humans operate. It really is that once we have safety, we can, we can move outwards from there. You've gotta think about it as like the core of the center, right? You can move outwards to other layers once you've got that core established. But if you don't, moving outwards is, it's possible, but it's not organized, it's not strategic, it's frenetic and it ultimately will have more failings because it hasn't got that foundation established properly.
Speaker 2 00:09:56 Not not at all. And like everything, you always need a strong foundation, a strong, a strong launch pad to, to launch off. Yes. Um, and I think, you know, one of the other important things about putting the relationship first and treating it as its own entity is it also allows you to really focus and nurture it. And you know, as much as Kim and I love our date nights and our active days, I think it's also important to realize when you are doubling down on your relationship, when you are becoming a team, you need to be emotionally available. You need to understand, support each other. And it's a continual and consistent caring for the relationship. It's a continual and consistent treatment of the relationship as a priority. That's how you nurture something to grow.
Speaker 1 00:10:40 Yeah. That is definitely another element of going all in, isn't it? The nurturing of the relationship and and treating your partner as a priority. And, and if people are wondering what that means, it means that when we prioritize something, we look toward taking care of it. So that's that nurturing thing. So if we prioritize ourselves, for example, we might prioritize going for a run or getting to the doctor or making sure we've seen our friends, whatever it is, it's doing the same thing for your partner. So prioritizing their wellbeing, their needs, checking in, are they supported? Are they being held? What else can you do for them? Doing the little things for them that, you know, matter to them that, you know, give them a little uplift in the day that's prioritizing them. So thinking about their needs as much as you think about your own needs. Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:11:29 And I guess the point there is people might say, oh, well I treat my partner as the priority. What about me? And I go, well, that's the point. They also treat you as the priority. Yeah. And so you do get that special support and I love that. And I think another important thing is that once you see, once you start to put the relationship first, you're nurturing it. You're starting to put your partner first. The other important thing about about doubling down on your relationship is actually planning for the future. And we're not just talking about, I guess planning, you know, the day to day and mundane routines and finances, even though those are important to see from the team and the couple aspect. But what's really important when you go all in your relationship is you start to share goals. You start to share dreams, and you start to plan on how both of the partners can contribute to each of them.
Speaker 2 00:12:21 Research tells us that when a couple has a common purpose, it's one of the most beneficial and critical things to, towards the connection between those two people and a long lasting relationship. 'cause what it does is it shows a commitment to the future for the two of you, which I feel takes out any guesswork. If you've got a, a common goal in the future, and then you start planning together for that goal that's straightaway telling you that, Hey, we're actually got plans for the two of us into the future. So any of that sort of vulnerability about, am I gonna be left alone or am I gonna be left behind? Am I in this just by myself? Well, that's just answered by the fact that you've planned for goals to achieve in the future. You've got proof in the pudding that there is a future for the two of you.
Speaker 1 00:13:04 Oh, purpose is such a big thing in life. It's so interesting. I'm gonna just digress a little bit here because I was watching a documentary the other day on centenarians. So, uh, areas in the world where there's concentrations of large concentrations or significant concentrations of people who are a hundred years or older. And one of the common factors we were seeing in, in these areas they were researching was that the people had a real sense of purpose. And it's, it's just such a reminder, you know, that's how powerful it is for your mental and physical health to have a sense of purpose. So in within the relationship, it's going to bring you, uh, like you say, a sense of safety, but it's also going to bring you a real sense of joy and contentment and lower your stress levels. It has so many benefits to be purposeful and to have a shared sense of purpose. It's, it's more than doubling what you get out of having your own individual sense of purpose. So purpose,
Speaker 2 00:14:08 It's so nice to feel that you're not in this world alone.
Speaker 1 00:14:11 Not just not alone, but that you two are doing something meaningful to you. Yeah. That your soul is being lit up, that that future feels exciting and promising and joyful. And you know what purpose is as well? When it's, when it's really purposeful, it's aligned to who you see yourself as a human. There's not much in the world more grounding than feeling aligned in your life in what you're doing. When you go to a job you love, when you hang out with a family you love, when you do activities you love, it's the greater sense of peace within yourself because you're congruent. The bits line up. If you are not being purposeful and deliberate in what you're doing, you will feel this constant sense of jarring in your life. And it's a, at a subconscious level often, but it is because the bits don't line
Speaker 2 00:14:57 Up well. That's why we see, you know, people have those midlife crisis where they go, okay, I'm in my mid forties, for example, and I'm not where I really wanted to be, but how did I get here? Where did the last 20 years go? It was 'cause you weren't living a life of purpose. And even though you were doing heaps of stuff that you thought was right, you hadn't made your own definition of success, you'd chosen everyone else's definition of success. Which is fair enough because everyone's telling you, or showing you, this is how you be successful, white picket fence house kids mortgage, puppy dog foofy, and bang, you're supposed to be happy. Well, that can make you happy, but it might not be as fulfilling as you think, especially when you're not aligned with what your partner wants in the world. So having that joint purpose, having that sense of unity in that team is really core to doubling down on the relationship.
Speaker 1 00:15:51 Yes. And another element of going all in on the relationship is seeing a win for one, as a win for all. You know, we talk a lot about the risks of the, uh, adversarial mentality. So this, when we are not aligned and we are not clear on our purpose, and we are not putting the relationship first and we're not making our partner a priority, the resources become scarce because we are fighting for them, because we are not, we are not being clear on how we're actually maximizing the outcome of the resources we have to get the most out of what you've got. You need to put it into the communal basket. And then the, the community needs to make a decision of how they're moving forward to maximize those resources. Otherwise, you are going to have waste dig. It's going to be inefficient. And, and what you wanna be doing is thinking about it as, as a community focus or a team focus in this situation. 'cause there's two of you. And seeing that a win for one of you is a win for all of you because you are team focused. Those resources are being maximized. You are clear on where you're going.
Speaker 2 00:16:57 One of the benefits of looking at, uh, a win for you is a win for me is that it actually enhances that emotional connection because you are bonded by the, the winning experience. And it shows that, it shows empathy and it shows a sense of we're in this together. And you know, for me the benefits are a bit obvious. It's a, it's a win-win. It's a, it's a double win. And wins, wins do come about, but they don't come about all the time. So if you can have a win and then your partner gets a, a freebie win off it, I think that's pretty awesome. And on the other hand, if, if you have a loss, well yeah, that, that may suck. But you've got someone there spreading the load of that loss, taking, taking the burden with you. And so when things get tough and you, and you have a loss, yeah, you might not be able to share the win, but you are also sharing in the, you are also sharing in the pain of the loss. So it makes it not as bad.
Speaker 1 00:17:53 You know, I'll just give a really quick example of this, and it's only on a really small scale, but yesterday I had a stressful conversation, something about parenting with someone, and it was really bugging me. But I knew that once I got home and I was able to share it with Raj and we were able to absorb it together and consider it together that the load would be far lightened. And it really was, it was, I was in, you know, I was struggling when I had the conversation, but once I got home and had that conversation with Roger, it was a shared load, it was a shared situation, and it just made it so much lighter. So I completely agree.
Speaker 2 00:18:33 We, we were picking each other with text messages just back and forth going, Hey, yeah. Oh, this sucks. Like, that's so unfair. What can we do? And even when we got home, we sort of debriefed with each other. Yes. I was very open. I didn't just go, oh, Bob, don't worry about it. Oh, oh geez, what, you know, why are you laying this on me? I, I felt I was very open and as a result you could, you could get what you needed to off your chest and we could work through a solution and then we were actually able to move on very quickly as well. Yes. Yeah. Um, and funnily enough, it ended up taking care didn't not care of itself. We took care of it, but it just, it it resolved a lot more easier. And so that's just an example. Great example, sweetie, of a quite a stressful situation. The load being shed. And so the loss and the pain being dulled. Yeah.
Speaker 1 00:19:19 All right. Let's explore what some of the barriers are that we can see out there on people going all in on the relationship.
Speaker 2 00:19:28 Yeah. Why don't people go all in on a relationship for us at living the team life. We're like, become a team, double down on the relationship, but there's a lot of, there's a lot of noise out there as why you shouldn't.
Speaker 1 00:19:40 Yeah. I think one of the key things which we talk about a lot because we're trying to counter this narrative is this concern about a loss of individuality or independence. And if we actually break that down, and I don't say this from a position of judgment, but that's quite a self-focused or even selfish way of looking at things, going all in in the tea on the team is more selfless because you are having faith in the team, you are willing to risk yourself. And that's what relationships are. And I hope people can grasp this. A relationship is a risk, but the payoff, and this is why I say at the beginning, look to the potential of going all in on the relationship. You will have to give some stuff up. You will have to take a risk that that person's gonna buy in and do what you are doing and, and keep up their end of the bargain. But oh my God, boy, oh boy, if you manage to get this humming, if you manage to both go all in and be purposeful in your life, the payoff is like nothing else. I would not give up having an all in relationship for anything on earth. It is truly one of my greatest privileges and joys in life.
Speaker 2 00:20:51 For me, a good relationship isn't about both of the individuals not getting the best out of themselves and, you know, losing their independence. In fact, it's almost the opposite because just like in any sporting team, you actually need every player to bring their best. And then the team supports each of the individuals to achieve their goals. So Kim and I work together to ensure that we have a team goal and we achieve it, but we also work to support each other. So when we do have individual pursuits, individual goals, we have enough resources in the background to help support that. Um, so one thing that I also want to talk about, especially when it comes to loss of independence, is I think there's a, a bit of a misunderstanding on loss of independence versus taking responsibility for your actions and being an adult. Because I remember as a kid when I was like, mom and dad would tell me to do a, or school would tell me to do B, and I just wish, oh, I can't wait till I grow up and I can do whatever I want. How'd
Speaker 1 00:22:04 That work out for you?
Speaker 2 00:22:06 <laugh>? <laugh> that is, I think maybe that's McDonald's
Speaker 1 00:22:11 Every night. Roj, <laugh>, <laugh>.
Speaker 2 00:22:14 Oh, I think I tried for a while <laugh> as the uni. I think uni's maybe that, um, that gray area. Oh yeah, for sure. But the, the point is it's not, it's not that we, you know, it's not about doing what we want. The point was when we were a kid, the reason things were so freeing and we had so much time and not much stress compared to an adult was because we didn't have responsibilities. While as an adult, I guess one of the defining factors of being an adult is you have responsibilities in your life. So for example, Kim and I have, we have, we do have separate friends. We do have some separate interests and we do have time to spend on our own things. But what we do is we take the responsibility of scheduling them in and managing them as a team.
Speaker 2 00:23:03 And yes, of course as a team we have to say no to things. But we can also say yes to things. Just like when you're working in an office and even though autonomy might be an important part of your job or something that you want in your job, you can't just go rogue and do whatever you want. Not work to deadlines, only look after your own resources and put your own individual pursuits first. Above the organization's, uh, organization's goals, you know, it's the same as in sports as well. If a player's only looking at their own stat sheet, then the team will suffer. They have to take responsibility for their role in the team. But also that means also bringing your best person, your best individual performance to the team as well. Do
Speaker 1 00:23:43 You know, what is is sort of coming up for me as you're talking about this is I think, and you made it sort of links really nicely to how you've unpacked this. I think people are very reticent to want to what they consider ask permission for something. And that harks back to Yeah. Yeah. That wanting to be like I have the say, you know, as a child, I didn't, and now I do. And so I don't wanna have to ask my partner's permission because I'm an adult and I shouldn't have to. Yeah. But that's where the responsibility comes in actually. You do have to talk to your partner about it. It's not permission asking, it's responsibility taking. And I think if we differentiate, differentiate between permission asking and responsibility taking, we can shift the mindset around that. We're taking responsibility for the fact that we're part of a unit.
Speaker 1 00:24:34 We are no longer an individual and that unit has its own needs and actually they come first. So if I wanna go and see my mates or go and play a sports game or watch something at the pub, or you know, if I wanna go out for lunch or BRE or whatever, go for a walk with a girlfriend, I have to bring that to the team and see if that works. Because I have a responsibility to the team. I'm not seeking permission to hang out with friends. I'm talking to the team about the responsibility I have there and whether it fits in with what I'm responsible for. That's it.
Speaker 2 00:25:06 Yeah. It's a check-in, not a permission. Yes.
Speaker 1 00:25:08 It's a check-in, not a permission. Yes. And that's part of taking responsibility, but
Speaker 2 00:25:12 I, I think people get so confused with that. And I actually would say, I think a lot of blokes get confused with that. It's a bit indulgent and a bit of an entitlement where I work so hard, so I get to go spend my money. And it's like, well, yes you do, but you have a responsibility to your team, to your family.
Speaker 1 00:25:29 Yes. That's a good one. The financial one. All right. The, the next thing that, that we know might be showing up for people in terms of feeling like it's difficult for them to go in all in on the relationship or perhaps they haven't even thought about it, but we just acknowledge that everyone has different upbringings and, and they do impact the way that we engage in our relationship in terms of going all in on the relationship. You know, past trauma or different parenting styles may cause people to be anxious, may cause people to be nervous about going all in and, and fearing that their partner won't reciprocate or treat their efforts with the love and care and compassion that they deserve. And, and that can really be challenging for people in a relationship.
Speaker 2 00:26:20 Yeah, I think this is a really good point. 'cause I think from those issues we might have had earlier in our life and the attachment with our parents or our friends or even other partners and the baggage we bring in, you know, it can be really hard to be vulnerable and you do need to be vulnerable in order to be in a team. In fact, Brene Brown actually believes it's essential to those deep connections in a relationship. But of course there's a fear there that if you emotionally expose yourself and the other doesn't reciprocate, well that'll be painful. Or you know, again, you'll be left in the lurch, you'll be left alone.
Speaker 1 00:26:55 Yeah. It, it's what we talked about at the start, isn't it, Roger? It's a risk.
Speaker 2 00:27:00 It's a risk, but it pays, its off in spades. It
Speaker 1 00:27:03 It is it, and, and who wants to live life not taking the risk? Do you really want to live the unfulfilled and, and really isn't safe? It's not even the right word, but the, the risk-free life, which is actually the highest risk of all because your risk being unhappy. Yeah,
Speaker 2 00:27:21 Well that's the thing. It's actually you're taking a short-term risk for a long-term reward as opposed to playing the long-term risk is I'm not gonna be vulnerable as a result. I might not ever have that deep connection with my partner or anyone else. So it's funny how we just need to reframe it sometimes. Yeah.
Speaker 1 00:27:40 And the last thing just to be aware of is that, you know, sometimes people don't go all in 'cause they're actually not aware that there is such a thing. They haven't heard of these concepts. Like we hadn't in the first decade of our relationship, we were not maliciously not going all in. We hadn't matured, we hadn't been exposed to the sort of literature we have now to, of the life experiences we had 10 years into the relationship. And all of those things helped to bring our awareness up to the fact that there was something else. There was another way of doing things. So just considering that some people won't have any idea that they're not even going all in. 'cause they've probably never even thought about it like that.
Speaker 2 00:28:17 No one's telling you to double down on your relationship to go all in. Well actually, funnily enough, a lot of the experts are now saying that, but previously societal norms were saying no, look after the individual, you know, look after you, your boss babe, or you know, you're a man. You don't need anyone telling you what to do. And hey,
Speaker 1 00:28:36 Hey, I love the boss babe
Speaker 2 00:28:37 <laugh>. Oh yeah, this is not a shout out. She shout out Boss babe <laugh>. Uh, but really what I'm saying is that we, we didn't know this. And then what happened is when we actually started doing it and we started getting those gains and we started getting those wins and we started feeling fulfilled and we started having a connection and we built up this strong momentum. And then that's when we said, actually not only should we lead into the relationship, we should go full ball. And not only that, after we go full ball, we should double down on it. And that's why we feel, you know, that's why we've actually wanted to start this podcast and sharing with people because we've just seen this positivity, we've seen these benefits, and then we go and do the research and we're saying it's, we're seeing that the experts are telling us to do the exact same thing. So again, that's why we're here today to share with you why you should be doubling down on the relationship. But at the same time, we're not trying to be harsh. It is hard. You do have to put in work.
Speaker 1 00:29:32 We've seen the change. But the other thing is Raji, all of our peers saw the change in our relationship. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, our friends just kept saying, you guys have such a good relationship. And that was not something they said in the first decade.
Speaker 2 00:29:44 No, they've all known us for 20 years as well.
Speaker 1 00:29:46 Exactly. So they've seen both sides of it. And that was something that was really an awakening for us was, of course we notice the difference, but when those around you are really noticing the difference, you have to sit and ask, well how have we done this? How did we get where we are?
Speaker 2 00:30:02 And then when life threw a few curve balls at us and it got, you know, life got harder, we all of a sudden seemed to actually be quite resilient. We seemed to be stronger as a couple. We seemed to be happier in the way we lived our lives because we did have each other. We had that safety, that platform, that security to really be agile and pivot as everyone seemed to do in Covid to go live a different life and live our best lives.
Speaker 1 00:30:26 Yeah, that was an interesting time because actually a lot of people were struggling in their relationships, having to be at home for the first time together. And I mean, we were in a different phase with other things going on, but we, we certainly found life was easier for us because we were not even doubling down. We were like triple down by then. <laugh>
Speaker 2 00:30:49 <laugh>.
Speaker 1 00:30:50 All right. So let's talk a little bit about why be a team we've looked at, at why some people might be struggling to go all in on the relationship. Let's talk about why we would want to go all in on the relationship.
Speaker 2 00:31:05 Yeah. So we talked about what doubling down and going all in your relationship means and why people may struggle to do it. But really what we're talking about here is this is why you should become a team. And again, just like Kim and I talked about when life got hard, we got happier because most of you in a long-term relationship who's listening to this podcast is you're busy. Life is hard. Life constantly comes up against you. You, your kids are growing up. You've got stress from the mortgage. Your parents start getting old and they need care. And if you are in this by yourself, if you don't feel that connection to your partner, that's just another strain on your life. That's another core stress in your life when really it could actually be a superpower in your life.
Speaker 1 00:31:52 Yeah. You are talking about definitely the benefits for when life gets hard, Roger, but there's also obviously what we discussed at the beginning. It's that sense of safety and that's what gives you the benefits when life gets hard. But the sense of safety that you get when you become a team, when you go all in, he's actually the platform for living your best life. I just, I really hope people understand that if you wanna go and chase your dreams and live that purposeful life, you need to go all in on building the foundation first. You need to build the team space so that you can have the vulnerable conversations so that you can have each other's backs so that you can plan to take risks that are going to elevate you, your relationship and your life to another level. That's, that's what we wanna build by going all in on the relationship.
Speaker 2 00:32:44 Yeah. When people talk about power couples, they're not just talking about the status of them, they're talking about two strong people coming together. And that is powerful and that's what we're about. You know, I
Speaker 1 00:32:55 Love that. I think you're so right. If we broke down some power, let's do a podcast on breaking down power couples. Yeah. Because that not breaking not not
Speaker 2 00:33:02 Breaking down power
Speaker 1 00:33:03 Couples, sorry,
Speaker 2 00:33:04 It's not that sort of podcast, Kim. No.
Speaker 1 00:33:05 Not bringing them down <laugh> breaking down how, like who they are and what they actually bring. 'cause you're right, they are teams. That's what really is at the core of it. It's, it's people who work so beautifully together to lift one another up Yeah. And lift the relationship up and head in the direction they want to go as a team.
Speaker 2 00:33:23 And it shows because they are such strong individuals, but they're so much more powerful together as a couple supporting each other to be them best selves. Yes. Yeah. Yes. And look, I think leading on from that, I guess it's a bit of a thought experiment. You are in a relationship now. So if you are in a relationship, you were in that relationship no matter what. So you can either choose to be fully in or you can choose not to be in it all. But I think maybe the worst part is to be someone who's sitting on the fence, being half pregnant, not fully in or fully out of it. You know, you can choose whether you want that wind in your sails to be fully with you in life or blowing against you.
Speaker 1 00:34:05 Absolutely. I, this is the bit where it kind of, you know, you call it a thought experiment, but it's kind of just logic. You've already taken the leap of faith by starting to date someone. You've, you've, you obviously want some sort of partnership in your life. So why not lean in to what you've said you want? Why go half in? Why keep one foot out? You are definitely not going to receive the maximum benefits if you keep one foot out. You're going to have to take a risk. And I hope that if people take one thing away from this podcast today, it's that Yes, yes. Going all in is risky. It absolutely is. It requires, as Roger said, what Brene Brown talks about all the time, it requires vulnerability. But that's how you build something bigger and better. You have to take that risk. So if you're already in the relationship, you've already said in some, in some way, on some level that you wanna be dating someone, put the other foot in, take the risk, go all in and and hold on for the ride of your life. It will be absolutely amazing. The truth is your relationship is your secret weapon in life. You can use it and live the most amazing life possible, or you can not, you can choose to, to sit on the sidelines of it, have one foot in whatever way you wanna look at it and, and live a mediocre life. But, but your relationship can be your rocket launcher. It can take you to the life of your dreams. And we absolutely know how it feels to live our best lives every day. And it is so worth it.
Speaker 2 00:35:51 I don't think I could add to that. That was amazing. <laugh>. All right, sweetie. Um, what was your gold nugget out of today's podcast?
Speaker 1 00:35:59 Well, I've already banged on about it, but I'm gonna say it again because I just can't emphasize it. Enough risk. I think the reason I wanna bang on about it is because once people understand, and once you name what is holding you back, the fear of what's gonna happen, of taking a risk, it's so much easier to overcome it. So just get that in your head, get your heads around that it is a risk. And how do we get rewards in life? How do we get payoffs? We take risks,
Speaker 2 00:36:28 Reward, risk, reward, risk,
Speaker 1 00:36:29 Reward. What about you, Roger?
Speaker 2 00:36:30 Yeah. I think for me is just again, the fact that life is really hard. So the point of going all in on a relationship is to have someone who has your back no matter what. And conversely, remember, you've got their back no matter what. It is reciprocal. That's what a team's about. You know, the team, the unit, you're holding each other together through the tough and hard times to be your best selves. You are amazing. You've just spent quality time on your relationship.
Speaker 1 00:37:01 Feel out you're on a roll. If you want more living, the team life, relationship, insights and conversations, head over to Kim and roger.com where you can find all the show notes as well as tons of other relationship goodies.
Speaker 2 00:37:11 And if you like today's episode, please hit subscribe or let another couple know where they can find us. It'll make them happy and it'll make us really happy.
Speaker 1 00:37:20 Until next time, keep on living the team life.
