Episode Transcript
Speaker 1 00:00:03 There's something special about the camaraderie between teammates on the sports field. They share a common goal lifting each other up when one gets knocked down and celebrating the wins together. But what if our personal relationships could embody this team spirit? As life's challenges arise, it's easy to slip into a you versus me mindset. Today we'll explore the power of a team approach and love shedding the boundaries of mine and yours for a unified way.
Speaker 2 00:00:32 Hey, we're Kim and Rod, and we're here to show couples how to get the best out of their relationship so they can start living their dream life together.
Speaker 1 00:00:38 We're a West Aussie couple who are living the life of our dreams. We don't entertain the word should we think about the future as a field of possibilities, and we let joy be our compass.
Speaker 2 00:00:47 We've taken the simple idea of working as a team and applied it to our marriage, and it's been a game changer, allowing us to work out what truly lights us up in life and to go after it together.
Speaker 1 00:00:56 From living in snowy Japan to starting our own house ripping business, we've achieved some big dreams, and most importantly, we feel fulfilled and are having the most fun we've ever had.
Speaker 2 00:01:04 Pick conversations from inspiring couples, thoughts from relationship experts and tales from our own lives. As we help you to gain the wisdom and skills you'll need to turn your relationship into a real team. These
Speaker 1 00:01:14 Are relationship conversations for real people buy real people. So sit back, get comfortable, whatever tickles you, pickle, and enjoy living the team life.
Speaker 2 00:01:30 So today we are talking about the topic of mine versus yours, and I think this is gonna hit home for a lot of people from what we're gathering in the conversations we're having outside of the podcast, certainly an issue for people, this dynamic that develops over time and that dynamic is very much an individualistic dynamic where we become siloed and focused on ourselves and what we have for ourselves versus what we have for the team, what we have for the relationship. And that's what we are going to be talking about today. We're going to be talking about some ways we would suggest trying to break that dynamic and evolve it into a more, more team-based dynamic. And I guess kicking it off, thinking about where this sort of comes from, like how do we, how do we get to a state of mind versus yours?
Speaker 2 00:02:24 In the beginning of the relationship, and we've spoken about this before, but I'll go back over it briefly. We know that we get pumped full of really good love chemicals. And the chemicals are there for a reason, because we wouldn't procreate if we didn't feel attracted towards people and and wanna be around them and, and wanna spend time with them and do other things with them. It just wouldn't happen. So we get these great chemicals so that we are attracted to people and we do wanna spend time with them, and we get pumped full of these chemicals, which is lovely. And as a result, we are more driven and motivated to make time for these people. We, we actually experience a lot of joy in, in sharing things with our partner in making room for them in our lives. And I think that can show up with sacrifices we make, even to that extent. You know, we're happy to do that because we're so motivated. We've got this sense of wanting to be with this person, make this person happy, and, and make this relationship a real thing that we feel driven to do these things. And it, it's such a lovely time really, because in the beginning, a lot of what is involved in being a team comes naturally. It's aided by these love chemicals.
Speaker 1 00:03:39 Well, I think there's a lot more give than there is take. And it's because of these chemicals and just our natural instinct to find a partner and, you know, seal the deal like through a sexy transaction or oh my God, through a love transaction, a love transaction more longer term. So you have someone lo you just
Speaker 2 00:04:00 Said sexy transaction.
Speaker 1 00:04:01 Well that's the short term. But then you want someone, you actually do want someone, I guess to procreate with, but also to have longer term. And so you do actually, it is more give than take. You know, you're like, you're trying to get this,
Speaker 2 00:04:16 You're not saying this love deal done. You're trying to seal the deal just in regards to sex though, right?
Speaker 1 00:04:20 That's the sexy transaction. The love transaction is finding a partner that you connect with, that you can spend your life with. But of course,
Speaker 2 00:04:29 Is that what you were thinking at 18 when we we connected? Where you thinking about the love transaction?
Speaker 1 00:04:33 I was thinking about making multiple sexy transactions, <laugh>, <laugh>. I had my my credit card just going, anyway, 18, what do 18? What are we gonna do? And, but of course we go from this give, give, give. And once the the love done, sometimes we then can go back and rest on our laurels.
Speaker 2 00:04:54 Yeah, absolutely. I think as, I think what you're just talking about is the, the, as the love chemicals, uh, those initial chemicals fade. We do settle into a another phase of the relationship. Um, and we've sort of termed that the enduring phase. And I think enduring is perfect because it actually describes two elements really you are looking for and you're experiencing enduring love. It's ongoing, it goes for a much longer period of time. And that's a beautiful thing. Everybody loves to think about enduring love, but you're also going to be enduring life together. That's the reality of it. You are, you are genuinely enduring
Speaker 1 00:05:31 Life and and life is definitely endured, uh, uh, because
Speaker 2 00:05:34 It's, because it's full of ups and downs. Yeah. I mean, that's the humanness of life. The, for some reason we, we seek out this state of permanent happiness, but that is just simply not reality. So it only contributes to those, those sorts of negative emotions and feelings, these high expectations. We need to be realistic about life. And it's not about settling, it's about understanding that in all its humanness of life, it is full of ups and downs and, and that they're not predictable. In a lot of cases. Things are gonna show up, people get sick, people get hurt, uh, people lose jobs, people lose businesses. Lots of challenging things happen throughout life and, and continuously happen. We are always going to be faced with the ups and downs of life.
Speaker 1 00:06:22 We can use ourselves as an example, but it would be similar for a lot of our people. You know, you find your partner generally in your twenties. We, we were 18, but generally in your twenties, late twenties or maybe early thirties. Early thirties, yeah.
Speaker 2 00:06:33 This is a big generalization. Yeah.
Speaker 1 00:06:35 And, and we of course, of course we're generalizing. But what you then find is that just as you are getting married, maybe in your early thirties, which is generally around the average age, think 30, 31 is the average age for marriage in Australia, past your thirties, when life gets real <laugh> when when stuff starts to happen to you, stuff starts to happen to your family, and you take on this world of responsibilities that perhaps when you were growing up in your teenage years and then in your twenties, you weren't, not as many people were as exposed to as many people get exposed to through the different stages of their life.
Speaker 2 00:07:12 Absolutely. That's what I hear when you talk about that. We, it, we, we understand this is a generalization. Some people, it happens in their twenties, some people it happens in their forties. We are just saying that there's, on the majority, there are some huge life changes that hop often happen around late twenties, thirties, early forties. And those huge life changes, the stages of shifting in life is, you know, people start to question their career. This is one that's, that's a big one. They start to question their purpose in life. They get married. Married is a huge stage of life. People often say, oh, I don't feel any different. But the reality is, you are different. You are focused on being a partnership, ideally moving forward, and in some ways to the exclusion of the world, you've agreed to bunker down with this person for, for your days going forward. And I think, and, and obviously the other big stage, sorry, before I head off another tangent is, is having babies. You know, that is such a fundamental shift in life when you become parents together, you,
Speaker 1 00:08:13 You go through this romantic period and as you are ending the enduring love, love phase, you've gotten married or you're, you've committed to this long-term relationship, and then you move into having kids and all of a sudden the dynamic of your life changes. And yet no one seems to be putting in the work, or you don't know how to put in the work and society definitely doesn't tell you how to, how to do it, how to structure the new, the relationship to fit in with the new ecosystem, with the new environmental factors, with the new seasons and stages of your life. And so all of a sudden you do have this sort of changing roles, these, these changing dynamics, these misaligned expectations. And of course, you are then dealing, especially when you have have kids, is a dramatic shortage of resources.
Speaker 2 00:08:59 I think you just hit the nail on the head. For me, it's the structure. It's when we get together, we sort of flounder through urged on by these amazing chemicals. And we give a lot more. And, and we don't mind sacrificing. And, and, and usually it's in a stage of life where we can manage to do that because there aren't children involved and other demands on our, on our resources. But when life gets harder and asks more of you, as you change through the stages of life and into, you know, parenthood and, and job movements and, and financial situations and all the rest of it, you do start to create a shortage of resources. The resources get pulled in all sorts of different directions. And if you don't have structure in place around that, how, how do you survive that? That's the reality of it.
Speaker 1 00:09:51 And what happens, you just start pulling, pulling from each other and the resources get more and more scarce and the the outcome seems to be diminished as well.
Speaker 2 00:10:01 So the shortage of resources is obviously the obvious issue. But as we're saying, the reality is this is something that shows up in businesses and other organizations, which is how Roger and I often like to think of a relationship. I know it's not very sexy, but it's actually very helpful
Speaker 1 00:10:17 If it's a sexy transaction. It is, oh God, <laugh> Okay, I'll leave that one.
Speaker 2 00:10:22 So the, the shortage of resources shows up and, and as we're saying, it's about having the structure and supports in place. And when we don't have those structuring supports in place, we, the, the outcomes, the negative outcomes we see are things like misaligned expectations because we haven't been clear about them. We haven't set up our structure of what we expect from one another. And we see unclarified roles. They're two massive issues that come up. And when we have an unclarified role, that can really lead to resentment, um, misunderstanding, uh, separation between the partnership. So an example of an unclarified role would be when a mother has a baby, often that very first part of infancy, the mother stays home with the child predominantly dad might be involved in in some way staying home with paternity leave these days. But mom does most of it largely because of, um, biology.
Speaker 2 00:11:19 That's just the way it's evolved. And as she starts to move through that early infancy, at some point mum will often ask, well, what's next for me? You know, what's happening for me next? Where am I going next? What am I gonna do next? And unfortunately, if that conversation isn't had out in the open, this is what I'm saying about unclarified roles and misaligned expectations. If you don't have a structure for talking that through, if you haven't set up a family dynamic where it's normal for you to talk about what's next and what the family wants next and how the relationship can move next, what can often happen is, for example, in that situation, the the unclarified role can mean that the mother may be having these thoughts about wanting to change her role. And the father may still be seeing her as that stay at home mom. Yeah.
Speaker 1 00:12:09 'cause you're almost going into your default roles. Yes. But those default roles might be more traditional and might not actually work for your life circumstances and probably won't work for where you want to go forward.
Speaker 2 00:12:22 Well, what actually happens is you end up moving forward, right? 'cause we do in life. But because you haven't been clear about where you're at and what you want, what happens is mom just picks up extra jobs. She stays in that role in the family view that she's still mom, right? Primary caregiver. So she's primarily responsible for the children, but then goes back to work. So now mom is doing primary caregiver. So she's doing all of the unpaid work around primary caregiving and paid work. And there's no conversation around the fact that her role has now shifted. She's now back in paid work. So she's got additional, uh, resources being, being placed in another area. And that's what I'm saying is, is if, if you haven't set those structures up in the family very easily, a partner can think one partner is in a certain role when that partner's actually moved into another role. And there hasn't been a joint acknowledgement of the shifting of resources, of the shifting of roles, of the shifting of expectations.
Speaker 1 00:13:19 Yeah, a hundred percent. And I'll tell you what, society doesn't help. We've definitely moved towards this more indivi individual mindset, this individualism, this sort of, uh, personal achievement self-expression. And I think what's happened is over time, that's really overshadowed the collaborative and sacrificial nature of being in a partnership. And I think some of it can be taken back to the move away from the traditional family structure, which where women were getting empowered to be able to follow their career paths and their dreams, which is, which is great. It's actually a, a really strong indication of a, a wealthy and healthy nation. But what happens is we haven't been taught and society hasn't told us, how do we come back together from being individuals to working collaboratively in this modern world? And you can see where all of a sudden you move from this traditional family where the roles, people weren't happy, but the roles were set to this more, to this more free environment. But people are less, people don't know how to work collaboratively together.
Speaker 2 00:14:30 <laugh>, I don't even know where to begin with this because the feminist in me is saying, how can you possibly have thought the roles was, were clear and set the roles were dictated to women in that era, clearly
Speaker 1 00:14:46 Dictated <laugh>. Jeez. Look, I look, I I I'm, I don't think anyone would think that I'm saying like, oh, we should go back. Even though there has been a bit of an argument recently, oh, we need to go back to the traditional roles. I don't think that works at all. And I think Kim and I, you, you and I definitely don't have a traditional relationship or, um, a traditional, I guess marriage or mindset. We've had twos and frozen our relationship where you've been the breadwinner. I've been the breadwinner, and now we're working together on our own business. And we are maybe not 50 50 on everything, but very equitable. And of course we talk about it so we have clear roles. Yeah. We, we, we know where we're going. I hear
Speaker 2 00:15:23 What you're saying. You're, you are talking more about being clear about the roles we have and setting a structure up in place, more than commenting necessarily on that era as being, you know, a good example of,
Speaker 1 00:15:35 Of that, that it wasn't a, just
Speaker 2 00:15:37 That it's more structured that era.
Speaker 1 00:15:38 Right. It was a structured example. Yeah. But what's the, what's the, what's the structure people are supposed to follow today? Now, of course, we believe it's the team and we'll get onto that later. Well,
Speaker 2 00:15:46 I, I just wanna jump on that because I think the other part of like you're talking about social narratives and cultural norms, which we really, really wanna raise as part of living the team life because we question a lot of them. And I think part of the issues we have in society, or a lot of the issues we have in society today are, we just don't question these cultural norms enough. So yes, I hear the structure argument that you're making, that there was an era where we were more structured. And although that era wasn't right, definitely not. And it, the idea of having more structure we can take from that era. 'cause it's not all black and white. The other narrative I think that's in play, like you touched on as well, is this individualistic idea. And I don't know if that comes from the same sort of background for me, there's just been this massive push in like rhetoric in the last few decades to towards the idea that if you, and I guess it is probably interlaced with the fact that we're moving away from this era where women were so oppressed in the household, in that they've, this argument of empowerment comes from being retaining your own individual life.
Speaker 2 00:16:55 Do not lean into the team, do not become, uh, doormat in the relationship. Do not become a team member in the relationship, maintain independence. And, and it's, it's, it is an interesting one. Now I'm saying it out loud, like where exactly are the roots? And the genesis probably is more around the, the fact that it was like trying to empower women, but it's now it's sp spooked to men a lot, right? Like this is a common narrative which is like, do not lose yourself in the relationship. This is what people say. But that, but what they're actually saying is don't go all in on the relationship.
Speaker 1 00:17:28 Yeah, there's definitely, um, in the masculinity sphere, there's definitely a bit of fear mongering around. Well now there's been this new relationship, dynamic change and empowering of women is like, don't be, you know, don't yourself get trodden on by these empowered women, which is crazy. I mean, if you are on a sporting team, if you are a rower or, or you know, a doubles tennis player, you want the strongest person on your team possible, you want the best teammate. Mm-hmm. So I, I think definitely it, there is definitely some people out there saying that, well, you know, to be masculine, you should be, should be pushing things on your own. You should be even providing for your woman doing all those things as opposed to being a team player, having a lifelong partner and going through this world armin, armed with your best friend. And
Speaker 2 00:18:16 That is just such a great point and so important. 'cause as you're speaking and I'm, I'm really like hashing this out in my brain for the, that's the masculine perspective and for the female perspective, I think the narrative is more around like, you know, empower yourself, sister put, you know, the, the, um, saying that is just so cliched now because it's so overused, which is, uh, put your own oxygen mask on first. That's what people say to mothers often. And, and whilst don't get me wrong a hundred percent, you need to be taking care of yourself. I think those sorts of comments have just like covered blanketly over the relationship area as well. And that's not what they were intended for.
Speaker 1 00:18:56 Yeah. They're intended how they were intended. Don't, don't suffer in silence. Make sure you're taking care of yourself hundred so you take care of baby, but they're not saying go off on your own in individual pursuit. Yes, yes. Who cares about the person you've made a commitment to for the rest of your life? You need to look after number one. Yes. Um, and so of course what happens then is we see this in relationships where the, you know, because we haven't been taught and society's not helping and we start to see symptoms within the relationship really based on that adversarial nature.
Speaker 2 00:19:26 Yeah, a hundred percent. It's, you know, things like jealousy, my partner says they're going somewhere and all of a sudden I feel jealous they're going without me or getting to do something that's that FOMO sort of feeling. Uh, we can get a little bit snarky, you know, oh, well you, you know, you've been out three times this month already, but sure, no worries. Have fun with the boys today.
Speaker 1 00:19:48 <laugh>, oh, another golf day, <laugh>
Speaker 2 00:19:52 Resentful. And then obviously like this culminates as you say, Roger, and we talk a lot about this adversarial nature where you're fighting for time and fighting for resources rather than pooling and working out how to, how to make it work as a team.
Speaker 1 00:20:07 That resentment and that adversarial nature is really dangerous to a relationship because you end up in a zero sum game where the only way for one person to win is the other person to lose. And of course, you know, down the track, what happens is you both end up not really getting what you want and not achieving what you want to do. When you take this adversarial approach, when you take this individualistic approach to your relationship, in the end, you are less likely to achieve what you want in life. Or maybe one person achieves what they want and the other person completely doesn't. And I tell you what, that one person who does achieve what they want, what they're not going to achieve is a healthy loving relationship with their spouse.
Speaker 2 00:20:48 So let's talk about what the other side of this is.
Speaker 1 00:20:51 Yeah. So really, of course, we are living the team life here, <laugh>, we're all about going all in on the team, taking a team mentality. That means that if one person's winning, you are both winning. And conversely, if one person's losing, you are both losing. Yeah,
Speaker 2 00:21:07 I absolutely love the sporting analogy for this. And we talk a lot about sporting clubs and businesses as an example, and the reality is a relationship is a sort of team and a sort of organization, right? Those principles flow across beautifully. And it might sound, again, unsexy to people, but we are so short on resources, we have to structure things this way. It's the only way for there to be a greater good and a greater outcome.
Speaker 1 00:21:33 So much of what in sport and business is about, how do you get the people in that organization or that club to come together as a team? And generally the ones that have the greatest success are the ones that get the people together to be on the same team. And yet, why don't we bring that into our relationship, which,
Speaker 2 00:21:52 Oh my God, I just, I completely agree. You know, you've got the common goal. You've got, um, not being an individual first. You've got having each other's back encouragement for one another, working like as you work towards the goal. So like being each other's cheerleader, there's so many benefits to engaging the relationship as a team, just like you would in a sporting team. Uh, so let's maybe go through how the sporting team analogy can be used in the relationship.
Speaker 1 00:22:24 Yeah. What, what I, you know, this was, this was a great idea by you. Um, and it's usually me coming up with the sporting analogies, but what I like about this is often people do say, yeah, yeah, I wanna become a team. And then you go, okay, well one of the first things you have to do when you become a team is putting the team first and not the individual first. And they're like, Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Ho ho hold up a second. So what we're trying to do here is show you here are some ways where in a sporting environment, how important it is to become a team and how you do become a team in a sporting environment to help you understand why it is so important in your relationship to become a team.
Speaker 2 00:22:59 So the first thing that you see in a sporting environment when a team comes together is that they know what their dream is. What's their big dream? What are their goals to get towards that dream? And so, you know, depending on the team, but let's use them the Matildas because they're awesome. Big dream is obviously to win the world cup. Yeah. And under that, they're gonna have some goals to get them there that are gonna drive the type of actions they're gonna take. They get clear on this stuff. And I think when you apply this to a relationship, you know, do you know what your partner wants for their future? Do you know what you want? And have you talked together about what you want as a couple?
Speaker 1 00:23:41 So, so many assumptions are made in our relationship, especially as the, we change as people and the relationship dynamics change. And we go through the different seasons of life is assuming, oh, this is what they always wanted, or this is what I always wanted. Mm-hmm. But unless you are transparent and clear with your partner, it, it's really almost unfair on, on them for them, for you to assume they know exactly what you want to outta life. So setting your dreams and goals together as a team, which is what a lot of strong sporting organizations and sporting clubs do. And for the Matildas now it's to win the Women's World Cup in the next few weeks is key to having that common purpose to bring you both together and get you on the right track.
Speaker 2 00:24:20 Yeah. And you know, the power of talking about dreams is alignment, but it's also hope it goes deeper than that when you feel like you're working towards something that truly matters to you. It's, it's elevating yourself to a higher level. It really is. You're out of the minutiae of day to day and you are on a purpose-filled track.
Speaker 1 00:24:41 Whe when you've got a a, a goal in the, in the future that you are both aligned to all the little, all the little crap things in life actually take a bit of a backseat and are less important to you. Yeah. And you find you actually fight less about them. And that's really important in a sporting environment as well, because there's a lot of egos, there's a lot of high performance athletes in there who all have their own individual contracts and individual incomes in, but they won't gain the ultimate success unless they come together as a team.
Speaker 2 00:25:09 The next behavior that is part of a team Yep. Is they talk about strategy, they've got their goals. How are we gonna do this? You know, how are we going to get towards those goals? And strategy is just so critical in a relationship.
Speaker 1 00:25:24 They come up with a game plan. Yeah. They come up with a plan and you know, they, they tackle each goal in each situation differently, but they're aligned to where they want to go and how they're gonna get there. Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:25:34 Just like in a relationship, okay, we've got a dream to one day own a a little hobby farm, we wanna go and retire to the country. Ultimately that's our big dream, right? So we wanna buy this hobby farm. So the goals start to look like, you know, what are we saving? How much are we saving over a certain period of time? You know, those sorts of things. How much do we need for the deposit? Rah rah rah, what can we afford on a mortgage? Those sorts of work out what your specific goals are. And then you say, well, how are we gonna save that much? This is the strategy, how are we going to do that? Yeah.
Speaker 1 00:26:06 So if we, uh, okay, we want to go buy a, a hobby farm so we can, you know, sit there roasting marshmallows with the kids and look out at the hills. Okay. But that might mean we don't, we don't renovate the house, you know, but if don't have decision, if you're not clear on that goal, you might go, oh, well it is about time we renovate the house. Is it, you go and do the renovation and you realize, gee, I think we've just set back our dream of having our holiday house, our hobby farm out in the bush. We've just set that back eight years. Yeah. So that's why it's so important to be clear on where you want to go and how you're gonna get there,
Speaker 2 00:26:37 How you're gonna get there. Absolutely. Then another thing that you find in teams that is just so transferable to the relationship is the definition of roles. And we spoke about this earlier, that often in a relationship we end up in a, in undefined roles, unclear roles because things have evolved and people assume you're still in the old role. And in a team they, not only do they define their roles clearly, they reassess whether those roles, so, you know, team, it's obviously a position, right? Okay, they're playing this position, but is that working for them? What do they need in that role to be supported? You know, what's, what are the demands on them in that position? And it's exactly the same as your partner. What is your current role? What do you need in that role to be best supported, best perform in that role? And actually, let's have a look at, is that role the best place you could be right now? Is there another role that might better the team?
Speaker 1 00:27:28 Take out the assumptions.
Speaker 2 00:27:30 Take out the assumptions. I love that. I think that's a key overtone for all of what we're talking about today. Next
Speaker 1 00:27:35 Is schedule in practice times. So every team is out there practicing their skills and I, what I always loved was this old saying from a famous a f l coach. He said, practice the right things. Practice makes perfect. He says, practicing the right things makes perfect. So make sure you're having your five to one interactions, making sure you are giving your kisses and your pleases. Make sure you're having that good rif to and repair. Make sure you're showing appreciation, empathy, and active listening. And practice them, do it again and again and again, and you will get better at
Speaker 2 00:28:09 It. Exactly the same for the three things we just spoke about. You know, having your dreams, having your strategy, defining your roles. The more you practice that, the easier it'll get. The conversations will just come more naturally. It becomes your automatic mode, which is what you're trying to achieve. So setting in times to practice those skills and build them, they will become more natural and they will be easier just to implement in the relationship day to day. We certainly experience that in the relationship. Almost all of what we talk about here is automatic for us now. It's, it's, this is not hard work
Speaker 1 00:28:41 For us the way it used to be. It's a, and of course when we do do something that's not quite right, or even if we do something that we're like, Hey, that, that rocked, we then we always review, we always look back on what has worked and what hasn't worked. Just like our players, at the end of every game for the next week, they'll go through and sit through the vision of the game, what they did well, what they did wrong. And you know, they'll look to, to change things up. And maybe that means changing your strategy bit and then, or off it means every year or so making sure reaming and making sure your dreams still align with who you are today.
Speaker 2 00:29:16 So that is another key attribute of a team, isn't it? That constant review, right? Yeah.
Speaker 1 00:29:21 Review and
Speaker 2 00:29:21 Reassess in need to have consistent. Because if we're not curious about how things are actually going, how can you possibly know if you need to change something, you're assuming that life's staying the same. And it's just so unrealistic to think that life just stays the same. It constantly evolves. And I know that can be a bit scary. I just acknowledge for people when you say things are constantly changing and evolving, humans don't like that because it's unpredictable. But it is the reality of the world. And if you get your teammate on board with you to label what's happening, what's changing, and then talk through how you can adapt to those changes and those adapting needs, it's nowhere near as scary as what you think. And you're making the necessary adaption so life actually gets easier.
Speaker 1 00:30:05 Yeah. And that's how you get on the same page. I mean, so, so many questions we get is about how do I get on the same page as my partner? We'll review and assess what you're doing constantly. So I, I think another thing that I love about, um, high performance teams, and you see this on the footy field, is when a player misses a goal or maybe they drops a drop of mark, their teammates will come up to them and pat them on the back and say, Hey, it's okay. We are here for you and you are gonna, you are gonna do well on your next moment.
Speaker 2 00:30:32 That is literally my favorite part of watching football.
Speaker 1 00:30:35 The your favorite Yeah. <laugh>
Speaker 2 00:30:37 When they're, when they're so nice to each other and they wander up and just give each other a little tap on the bum. And I just think, you know, good on you mate. Like everybody has a, has a less than perfect moment. Everybody struggles. And it's just, you know, even at the end of the game when someone's had a really crappy game and you might see the captain or the vice captain just wander up and like put an arm around him. It's making me emotional. It's so beautiful because it's so human. It's, it's, it's part of life to have good days and bad days. It's part of life. Not to be your at your best as a person and to have a teammate who comes up to you and says, that's okay. Instead of layering your poor, poor behavior with shame, you move out of that cycle really fast. It's such a beautiful thing in life. Yeah. So
Speaker 1 00:31:26 Don't play the blame game and give your wife a tap on the bum, <laugh>,
Speaker 2 00:31:30 <laugh>
Speaker 1 00:31:32 Or husband. Don't
Speaker 2 00:31:33 Mind giving you a tap on
Speaker 1 00:31:34 The bum. I do get a few taps on the bum both ways. Alright. And, and of course what happens here is if you do all these things, the result is you start to build a great team culture, a winning culture. We've all heard that with the Premiership teams, the championship winning teams. They've got a winning culture. And the other thing which is I love, is they wear their uniform, their colors, their team colors with pride. And this is something that I heavily believe in and Kim does too, is be proud of your relationship. Be proud of your partner and yourself and the relationship entity and what you do together, because it is really cool when you come together to achieve great things.
Speaker 2 00:32:13 Absolutely love that. For me, it's, they're, they're completely intertwined. Having that culture of pride, that culture of belonging to the relationship is priceless. It will change the way you approach your life together forever and change what you can achieve out of life, which is pretty epic.
Speaker 1 00:32:33 Okay. So Kim, what was your gold nugget out of today's potty?
Speaker 2 00:32:37 I think for me is the idea of using this analogy, I'm a very visual person. It really helps me when I am trying to make a change in life, to adopt a, an analogy I can think about really clearly. And the sporting team one is a really great one. There's just so many transferable skills that we see in sporting teams that I just, just like bang on for a relationship.
Speaker 1 00:32:59 Taking an individualistic approach, just like in a sporting team context is a, is a zero sum game. Someone has to lose for you to win, you know. But if you are in a team, if you are doing it for the team, then your wins are their wins. Their wins are your wins. You are amazing. You've just spent quality time on your relationship.
Speaker 2 00:33:24 Feel out you're on a roll. If you want more living, the team life, relationship, insights and conversations, head over to Kim and roger.com where you can find all the show notes as well as tons of other relationship goodies.
Speaker 1 00:33:34 And if you like today's episode, please hit subscribe or let another couple know where they can find us. It'll make them happy and it'll make us really happy.
Speaker 2 00:33:42 Until next time, keep on living the team life.
