Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Ever feel like the conversations you have with your partner seem to just revolve around logistics, like what's for dinner, who's doing the school run, what time's the plumber coming this morning? You're not alone. Over time, couples often drift into managing life together, but stop truly learning about each other. And that's when you lose the spark.
Not from a lack of love, but from a lack of curiosity. In today's episode, we're diving into one of the most underrated relationship skills, asking the right questions.
We'll walk you through five powerful questions that help you reconnect, understand each other on a deeper level and keep your emotional bond strong. Especially in the busy seasons of life. Because when you stay curious, you stay close. Let's dive in.
[00:00:48] Speaker B: People were always telling us, you guys are such a team. And we began to realise this just isn't the case for most couples.
[00:00:54] Speaker A: But we knew from our own experience of turning our relationship into a team that change isn't just possible, it's inevitable. All you need is a little direction.
[00:01:03] Speaker B: So that's what we do on this show. We steer you in the right direction. We keep it simple. We show you why relationship struggles show up and how you can start changing your relationship today.
[00:01:12] Speaker A: And we bring the good stuff by turning information from leading relationship experts and evidence based research into easy to understand skills and tools that anyone can use.
[00:01:22] Speaker B: We also share insights from our own 23 years of experience together. And we chat with some incredible couples who offer their wisdom on relationships.
[00:01:29] Speaker A: If a better relationship is what you want, then get comfy. Whatever tickles your pickle. As we prepare to dive into all.
[00:01:35] Speaker B: Things team, We're Kim and Rog and this is the Living the Team Life podcast.
[00:01:45] Speaker A: All couples go through different seasons. That's not a word, but I guess a metaphor I learned from Kim.
You know, really just different cycles and times of when we're feeling stressed and whether that bleeds into the relationship, you know, leading to friction and disconnection. And we talk about this when we talk about the relationship cycle. You know, things are great when you're in harmony, not so great when you're in disharmony. And it's about how do you repair, how do you talk to each other to get you back to harmony?
So while most couples will generally during these times, all these seasons of friction or stress or disconnection, they'll, they'll default to actually asking less questions, being less curious, talking less, or perhaps one partner wants to talk because they're trying to figure out what's going on, but the other feels like they don't have the capacity or they don't have the communication toolkit to be able to do this. And I think generally, when Kim and I are in a state of disconnection, when stress bleeds into our relationship, we do try use this opportunity to ask each other some bigger questions because it's very easy to get caught in the niggle of the argument that's just been or the next argument, as opposed to taking a step back and looking at what's going on with the relationship as a whole and the external factors and internal factors. Now, this might sound a little bit businessy. Well, that's. That's true. Because that's what good businesses do.
When there's operational stress or a larger business issues, the good businesses will step back and review what's going on. They'll review their strategy, they'll review their values, they'll review the. The issues that are impacting the business.
Where do they need to pivot? You all heard that term during COVID You know, they needed to be agile. It's the same with your relationship. They look at the current market environment, they look at how the internal teams are going. What's our culture like? What's our stress like? They ask themselves the important questions. And of course, Kim and I are always talking about this crossover between, you know, leading business teams, leading sports teams, and leading relationships, which are teams for me. The concepts are the same, the players are different, and by asking each other the right questions, you start to be proactive about the team, about us.
You start to reaffirm your love, reaffirm your trust in each other when things are tough.
And you're also gathering information to make the best decision possible so you can move forward together.
[00:04:36] Speaker B: It's a bit of a different angle today, isn't it, Rog? Instead of saying, here are just five questions that bring you closer as a couple, which we're big believers in, asking questions and being curious in your relationship.
We've actually said ask these when things are tough.
[00:04:52] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:04:53] Speaker B: You know, and it's not just when things are tough. We talk about asking all the time. But I think the idea of asking more when things are hard is probably slightly abstract to most people. Most people will be thinking, well, I have less capacity, I close down. That's not really where my mental space is at. And we're suggesting that if you try this, if you try asking some deeper questions when things are tough, it will greatly support you to move forward together.
The reason being asking questions is connecting it creates connection. And when we're in a tough spot, we've lost connection.
So coming back to connection is not done through gritted teeth and difficult, stabby conversations. It's done through things that bring you and bond you together, like knowing about each other, finding intimacy in the conversation.
So whilst it might not be the easiest or most natural thing to do, it is definitely one of the most helpful things to do.
And last episode we talked about the. The trap people fall into as well, of familiarity and thinking that familiarity provides connection.
And again, when things are tough, we think we know this person. We think we know what might be happening for them or what they might need because we're familiar with them. And that assumption can be really dangerous.
Just because you've been around the person for a very long time, just because you've been in their life for a very long time doesn't mean you've kept up to date with that person.
Stress shifts who we are. New seasons of life reshape who we are. Subtle things like interests and routines just evolve naturally over time. I mean, I'm adhd. I don't know how many different interests I've had in my life that Rog has to keep up with, and they're never very long lasting. So he can sort of follow along briefly and then jump to the next one.
[00:06:54] Speaker A: But they usually follow, like, themes of where you are mentally and emotionally at. So while in some ways it would be easy to be flippant that and go, oh, this is another one of Kim's sort of ADHD thought bubbles or, you know, sparks that, you know, if I pay close attention, there's, there's something pushing and, and something driving that underneath, which is actually really important to who she is.
[00:07:19] Speaker B: I think that's such a beautiful observation because, like, I don't know, five months ago you came home and I was playing the flute, played the flute since high school. And you laughed and you said, oh, it's one of those days, is it? Where I just start picking up new things and, and delving into something old or something new, whatever it is, just diving on in head first.
And underneath that was. I was feeling really bogged down by work and I really needed to do something creative that wasn't sitting at a computer screen. And so understanding that from Roger's perspective is like, he said it was underneath what I was doing was helpful. So supporting me then to have space to do more creative stuff was very helpful. So there is stuff that underlies what's on the outside and that helps you, again, to Keep up to date. And to really have a deeper intimacy in your relationship.
We've talked about last week the idea of having a love map of your partner and keeping this updated. And I think the idea of a love map, I think we called it a relationship Facebook profile that you update, but I don't know how well that that analogy translates for.
[00:08:31] Speaker A: It translates perfectly, sweetie. That's why we used it.
[00:08:35] Speaker B: Anyway, we'll stick with love maps. The love map, the idea that the map changes is not a scary one. It's a beautiful one, because you're growing. Both of you are growing all the time. And you need to keep up to date on what the map of your partner actually looks like.
If you want to be able to support them, if you want to be able to encourage them, if you want to be the best teammate possible, you need to know their inner world, their hopes, their stresses, their values, their current reality. And couples who look at these maps regularly are more resilient because they don't wake up one day feeling like strangers and not knowing how they've gotten to where they are. They have a map. They know what could be causing these things. The love maps won't give you all the answers, but they will give you a really strong idea of what could be going on because you've kept up to date with your partner. And the good news is, if you don't have a love map, if you're listening to us now and thinking, I don't know where my partner's at, if I. If someone asked me to draw a love map of their life right now, who they are, I don't know that it would be up to date. It doesn't matter. You can start today. I mean, that's the beautiful thing about everything we do here on Living the Team like, is change can start right now with the smallest of actions, with the simplest of questions, which we're going to give you today. And you can start updating your love map of your partner and building that connection and building that intimacy.
[00:10:00] Speaker A: Yeah. And that's what last week's episode or last fortnight's episode was about. It was really about. You have the power to change your relationship, and it's as simple as, I guess, starting a conversation with your partner to. To really spark that connection again.
And that does seem like sometimes, like, it's a bridge too far.
But that's where we introduce the three Cs. It's like, if you want to start a conversation with your partner, get comfortable, choose the right space to have the conversation get curious again, you didn't. Don't need a problem to talk. You need a question.
And get collaborative, which means seeing the topic through the team lens. So there's no finger pointing. It's about how can we move forward. But today we're really going to focus in on curiosity. So we're going to dive deeper into that. And actually, as we said off the top, we're going to give you five questions to ask each other to start building those love mats, updating your relationship profile.
Because when it comes to knowing our partner, it does take more than small talk, and it does take more than. If you are in that. In that sort of disharmony, disconnection phase, more than just talking about the actual problem, you need to hover up again. That's what they say in business. We need to hover up.
When you ask a. When you ask a curious question, what you're saying is, I want to know you. I see you. You matter to me. And when you're in a state of disconnection, that can be.
That can be. That can really pull you closer to your partner. That can sort of pull you out of the minutia of all the stuff that's bugging you down and make you see us. Like, hey, you know, I. I remember this, you know, the good parts. I remember the parts where we have each other's back and we do want to know more about each other, and they do. Light me up.
[00:11:54] Speaker B: And the research, it's really that, like, we're so much more than the problem. Yeah, you said the minutiae of the problem, and that's what a problem is. It's just minutiae.
[00:12:02] Speaker A: But.
[00:12:03] Speaker B: But we as people are more than that.
[00:12:06] Speaker A: We're more than that. We. There's so much to us, and we're constantly changing, constantly growing, and it's that keeping up to date, keeping curious about each other, that really, I guess, strengthens a relationship. And it's just little bits at a time and. And it's hard to ask questions. It's really hard to.
To the amount of times I sit there and where.
And I'm like, I want to know. I do want to know more about what's going on, but I don't even know where to start with the question.
And this is where vulnerability comes in.
[00:12:39] Speaker B: Are you also scared because you don't want the answer?
[00:12:42] Speaker A: No, I want the answer. Although what I. What I will say. And I think I don't. I think I'm used to, not. I'm used to knowing that some of the answers or some of the conversations will be jarring or difficult at first. And what I would say is I had advice for anyone who has. Has a bit of trouble having tougher conversations, but not even just tough conversations. Has trouble having any sort of deeper conversation. Is.
It'll. You'll be surprised how well it goes for you and how well it can make you feel if you can just get through the first minute.
[00:13:20] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:13:20] Speaker A: Through the first 60 to 120 seconds.
[00:13:24] Speaker B: Just hold on.
[00:13:25] Speaker A: Just hold on.
You know, like the. I guess. What, the ice bath?
[00:13:30] Speaker B: Yeah. No, that's horrible. The whole way through.
[00:13:32] Speaker A: Okay, well, that. Now, that's a bad analogy.
Facebook profile is a great analogy.
[00:13:40] Speaker B: It's like a flat takeoff is awful, and then no flights are awful the whole way through too.
[00:13:45] Speaker A: Well, it depends where you're sitting, sweetie. So if your relationship. If you're in the relationship cattle class, maybe not. But look, Brene Brown just reminds us that, you know, vulnerability isn't just about weakness. And this is really important for the blokes out there and for some of the gals, but for the blokes that just because, you know, you're constantly told to be vulnerable doesn't mean you're constantly being told to show weakness. In fact, vulnerability is courage because it's risk. And, you know, I think. You know, it. You know, risk takes courage.
And I think a lot of guys grow up thinking that if you open up your software and if you're vulnerable, it's maybe a bit unnecessary.
But it's brave to be able to share your inner world with your partner. It's brave to expose your inner flesh, you know, the rawness of you.
And for the gals out there, sometimes it takes the right question because I think sometimes guys do wanna.
They do wanna talk, they do wanna be understood, but they don't have the emotional toolkit or the communication toolkit. And even though women. And again, maybe I'm being too general here, women may at least have more of an emotional toolkit, more of a communication toolkit available to them. They might not still be able to ask their partner a question in a way that elicits the right response or makes being vulnerable accessible.
[00:15:22] Speaker B: Oh, that's heady stuff.
[00:15:23] Speaker A: I like that. But that's why we've got these five questions for you today.
[00:15:28] Speaker B: Good. Quick segue.
Yeah, no, you're right. It. It is. I hear you. I hear what you're saying about the importance of the wording of the question or the.
Maybe not the wording so much, but the intent of the question is both. Both is important. Okay, but we don't want to scare people into not asking.
[00:15:48] Speaker A: No, but I mean that. But that's why we, we, we, I guess we talk about prompter questions and we provide prompter questions because I think the wording's important, but the intense. I think they're both. Because you, you, you can stuff up the wording and, you know, you, the intent should be, hey, I, I know you stuffed up the wording, but I understand what you're saying. But again, if it's that very first sort of deeper conversations that need to be had, sometimes these prompter questions, and actually, like almost saying this is a prompter question, which again, can maybe even seem a bit naff, or are we really using prompter questions? But no, like, again, this is what journalists do when they're talking to world leaders, when they're talking to famous people. They have. They have questions written down ready to go so they can ask them and articulate them and elicit the response that.
[00:16:41] Speaker B: They, I think with that, it's. It's twofold, isn't it? A prompter question says that the question's neutral because you didn't write it. You like it, but you didn't write it. And also understanding that with questions like any skill in the relationships, as we say, totally learnable, you're not going to be great at it off the bat, most likely. So if you just practice with the prompter, you prompt questions, you start to get the rhythm of it, and then the chance of you saying it in a way that's going to be received well increases significantly. So really, prompter questions are beneficial on all fronts, especially at the beginning.
[00:17:17] Speaker A: We're saying, yeah, we're trying to do a bit of the heavy lifting for you, or maybe, you know, just that first little, that first little bit to keep you going. And again, ask these questions, and if you ask them a bit more often, you start to build momentum. You start to get comfortable with that first 60 seconds to 120 seconds, those first few minutes, and you start to get comfortable talking with each other.
So I know it's all good for everyone to say, I'll just get comfortable being uncomfortable, but it's uncomfortable for a reason, so it's okay to have a little bit of help along the way.
[00:17:51] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. All right, let's dive in to the first question, prompter question we're giving you guys today. And this one is around the division of labor and mental load in the household. So the question sounds like this.
What's one part of the house or family load that feels heavier for you right now. And how could I share that better?
And this question's a great question because the research shows that the perceived fairness, so how much we feel the household labor is fair is strongly tied to how satisfied we are in our relationship. So if we feel like things are divided pretty equally, we're pretty happy. If we don't, we're. The research tells us we're not very happy. And we know that the mental load, which is all the invisible planning, the remembering, the organizing, often falls disproportionately to one partner. We've talked about this previously, which is women. This is very, very clear in the research.
And it's something to really hold in mind because this imbalance can really lead to a sense of resentment and burnout.
So talking about this directly makes what's invisible, like the mental load visible. And it's less about getting an outcome of a 50, 50 split and more about feeling seen, supported and like you're part of a team where you're both going to show up for these things.
So I think this question, whilst on the surface feels like you're going to solve a problem, which is not the intent of these questions entirely. It's more about saying to your partner, I see that this is an issue and I want to support you because we own this together. And that's about sending the message to your partner that you guys are fully a team, that you care about how this affects them and you want to know what it's like for them, what their experience of this situation is like.
[00:19:44] Speaker A: You're acknowledging them and you're seeing them. And hot tip, guys, if you, if you're wondering whether your partner is, may be struggling with the mental load they are, this isn't. We're not breaking any sort of new ground here.
This isn't rocket science. They are. And by asking this question, just like Kim said, you validating and acknowledging their experience and you're being proactive, you're showing, hey, I, I am here to, to step up and see you.
[00:20:19] Speaker B: And that love map that we talked about is getting updated. You might think, how is this more perfunctory question going to help my love love map? Knowing how your partner's feeling about such an important issue that takes so much of their capacity is definitely going to help you to grow your partner's love map because you know how you can support them in that space more, how you can show up more for them in that space. So you definitely want to know these things. That might feel a little bit more clinical, a little bit more dry, as well as the stuff that might feel a little bit more fun and left and joyful.
The love maps cover off everything.
[00:20:56] Speaker A: It was actually a great point, sweetie, because so many guys sit there and ask, like, I just need, I just wish I knew what was going on. Or, or you never told me. Or, you know, well, it's invisible. How am I supposed to see it?
You know, but you're getting the information. You ask this question, you'll get the information and then you know what to do with it. You know, don't have your head in the sand. You know, ignorance isn't bliss in a marriage.
[00:21:23] Speaker B: Oh, my God, that's a great bumper sticker.
[00:21:25] Speaker A: Ignorance isn't bliss in a marriage is.
[00:21:27] Speaker B: Not bliss in a marriage.
[00:21:32] Speaker A: So, yeah, so on to. One of the more fun questions, I guess, is that, you know, we often like to dive into, I guess, that push and pull of long loving and knowing and mystery plan excitement that Esther Perel talks about. And this is about that. This is about bringing novelty to the relationship and being on the front foot about it.
So our second question is if we could try something totally new together in the next month, a hobby, a trip, or a challenge.
What would you love to do?
How, how open, engaging and inviting is that question?
And the research shows that couple who engage in novel, challenging activities together actually report higher levels of satisfaction. And that makes sense. How many times do we hear couples go, oh, we've lost that spark, or we just don't do anything new and fun. We've lost that novelty. And this is about inviting novelty, something you can do together. And again, guys, if you're wondering what you could do and you can't think of anything, ask. You're asking. And yeah, it might seem like you're putting it back on them, but at least you're trying. At least you're being curious. And again, I think it's one of those things where they might say something and maybe it doesn't work, or at least you're hearing from the inner world and it might spark something in you and say, well, actually we could try this, something I'd like to do with them. And all of a sudden you're on the front foot, you're being, you're being proactive and that, that really can spark up those, those love chemicals as well.
[00:23:05] Speaker B: I think this is such an important one because when we come back to knowing or think or assuming we know our partner, someone might do something, for example, like pack a picnic.
[00:23:15] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:23:16] Speaker B: And take their partner out, and then their partner's still not feeling much more connected afterwards. And they say, but I'm doing everything. Yeah, I took you out for a picnic. What more do you want? You love picnics.
And the partner's thinking, I do, but that's all we've done for the last five years to connect is a picnic.
[00:23:36] Speaker A: Yeah, that's your go to.
[00:23:37] Speaker B: It's your go to. And I want something new because we all seek novelty. I want to do something different.
And because you're not having that conversation, how would you know that in your mind? You still think they love picnics and they probably do, but they also want new things. They also want to be spending that quality time in a different space beyond just the regular and the familiar.
[00:23:59] Speaker A: Yeah, they want those dopamine hits. You know, if you're going for like a mini golf challenge, you want those vasopress and you want to feel that connectedness, that spark, that, I guess that teamwork approach of doing something together that's new, that will actually add a sense of not just accomplishment, but a sense of. Yeah, a sense of achievement together.
[00:24:20] Speaker B: Well, it actually kind of ties into the next question, which is all around shared meaning, values and rituals.
[00:24:26] Speaker A: And.
[00:24:26] Speaker B: And it does add a sense of shared meaning when you do those things. So shared meaning is really around where we come together and we're on the same page around things like values, rituals, life, dreams. It's not about. It's not about having the exact same answer for these things. It's about sharing an understanding of one another's answer for these things and a joint path forward, forward for these things.
So the question in this sort of space, question number three that we would give you as a prompter would sound something like, what's one ritual or tradition we could create that would make us feel even more us?
So whatever we see ourselves as, whatever we perceive the meaning of us to be, you know, maybe we're the fun, spontaneous couple. So our ritual is every Friday night, one of us picks something crazy to do. So pretty surprises the other person. And that's what we do. Or maybe more of us is.
We are the cozy, wind down together couple. So every Friday night we're going to do pizza night and watch a movie on tv. It's whatever it is that works for you is how you identify your shared meaning. And Gottman's sound relationship house identifies shared meaning as the top floor of relationship health.
So that means couples who share values, rituals, and life dreams are more resilient. So that's that health piece and resilience is really something you want in life. When you have a shared meaning with your partner. What the outcome is is when you're in conflict. This is the big one that helps you to hover up, as Roger said, because you know that you're on the same page about the big stuff about life. And that's what helps you to say, this is just a problem. This is just minutia. This is not the end of the world. I'm not going to catastrophize. This is the worst person. I shouldn't have married them. And this is the end.
I know I'm on the same page, therefore I'm going to seek a solution to this, this problem, which is just a momentary, fleeting problem and is going to pass by.
And rituals of connection provide really great anchors for stability and identity. So building that shared meaning. So they're a great way to get started.
Something like a morning coffee ritual or like I said, the Friday date night ritual, however that looks for you. Or maybe a Sunday morning walk ritual, whatever it is.
And another great benefit of, of this sort of question and creating a shared rituals together is actually for families. And I know this is a couple's podcast, but we've always said our mission is actually to have intergenerational impact with, with relationship change. So to actually affect the children and then the relationships they go on to have and really provide change in a, in a really big way. And research on family rituals shows that they boost kids sense of emotional safety.
And that is so cool. And also couple closeness. Sorry, I should have said that as well. So the couples feel closer, but they boost a child's sense of emotional safety because they belong. Rituals are a sense of belonging to something and I think that's a really cool added bonus of that space.
[00:27:38] Speaker A: Yeah, you know, rituals make connection effortless.
They are just there week after week, making sure you get that important moments of connection, that important time together. Because the novelty stuff like we just spoke about on our second question does take a bit more effort, it does take a bit more planning and in a busy, stressful world that's not always available to us.
[00:28:02] Speaker B: So.
[00:28:02] Speaker A: So if you can have those underlying rituals that keep you connected and then you can do those fun, novel activities, you're really having a great sort of balance to, I guess, your opportunities for connection.
And again, just spoke about stress lightly then. Well, our partners feel stress. And off the top of the episode we talked about how stress bleeds into the relationship and this may be the cause of disconnection in your relationship. And although we are talking about the questions you can ask each other to stay connected during those times of disarming disconnection, it's really important to talk about and to understand your partner's inner world even on the stress side. Not just the fun, the fun love side.
So questions like, what's the biggest stress hanging over you right now? Or maybe the one that just keeps niggling at you is a really great way to open a conversation about stress as opposed to your partner having to come in and talk about their stress or feeling like they can't and it bubbling in and creating that sort of unnamed expectation or unnamed resentment in the relationship because stress just spills over. We live stressful lives and you know, we want our relationships to be safe harbors. But. But unless we actually name what those stresses are and invite those conversations about stress, we can make those assumptions that ass out of you and me.
And even naming it just reduces tension because you do as we said, you feel seen. It helps your partner know whether you, you are actually irritable about them or whether it's something else. You go, oh, actually it wasn't me. God, I was being, I was being a bit full of myself thinking that every stress that my partner has is about me. Well, actually, no, it's not. And actually you can be someone who provides that support for them to lower stress then have an impact on the relationship of lowering relationship stress.
[00:29:58] Speaker B: Yeah. And I think, I hope people are starting to see that asking the questions is how you update your love map. And actually the second part is the information you get is what grows your relationship.
So by asking the questions, you're getting up to date and you're connecting and experiencing intimacy in that moment. But the information you actually gather out of those questions is what changes and grows you as a couple. So, for example, with the stress spillover question, where you ask someone, what's the stress hanging over them? Your partner, what's the stress hanging over them? You're going to validate the fact that you're there for them. You're going to show them support, and that's going to build beautiful intimacy in the moment. Because you're saying, here, let me in, and I will, I will be here. But you're also going to take that information, put it on the map and say, okay, I now know that this thing niggles at them. I now know that this can be a source of pressure. So I can provide more support around that space. Because I know that about that. And as you said, Roggie you can stop bringing it back to yourself because you know where it's actually coming from.
So there's layers of benefit to asking these questions.
And the last question we've actually got is a super beneficial question, but a really fun question as well. It's one of our favourite things to do, and we've talked about this before, and that's inquiring with your partner about the future.
It's about talking about your dreams and your life together.
And when we do that with our partner, I mean, it has a plethora of benefits, but really it's saying, for me, the biggest thing it says is I see my future with you and I want to carve that path out as a team.
And that is so important to the idea of feeling like you're a team.
Partners who say, I don't know what my partner wants in five years, or I don't know what they're planning for me, that is such a red flag of division between you because they're planning their life and you're planning your life. Where is the relationship life? Where is that team approach to life? And how do you maximize your resources to follow your dreams if you have to divide your resources?
[00:32:25] Speaker A: Yeah. So many times people talk about getting, oh, we're not on the same page. And they're just talking about, oh, I thought you were picking up the kids, or oh, I thought, you know, you really wanted little Timmy to go to this school. But often the case is underlying is that they're not on the same page of where they want to be in their lives going forward.
[00:32:43] Speaker B: Yes, exactly. So what sort of question could you ask to prompt finding out where your partner's at and how the both of you can plan together for the future? It'd sound something like this if everything went well over the next five years, what would your perfect day look like from morning to bedtime? And Gottman talks about future planning and. And couples who regularly talk about life dreams and future goals. And he describes these, these couples as having more durable, which is, again, resilience, supportive relationships. So this is like saying when the, when you've got the rituals under your belt, when you've got these things, you become more resilient because again, you hover up and you know who you are. That sense of shared meaning and belonging and future purpose, they're all intertwined. Right. They're saying, we know who we are, they're part of our identity. And so you don't get stuck and bogged down in the detail of problems which are going to hit. And we talk about this over and over, inevitably you will have problems. So you need to have the most solid foundation you can possibly have and constantly nurture that foundation. And positive psychology research finds that imagining best case scenarios actually boosts your hope, motivation, and alignment. And you guys would know this from personal experience. Hope is the greatest human motivator there is. Bigger than fear. Bigger than fear.
[00:34:11] Speaker A: Yeah. And again, it pulls you out of the minutia. So you know that, yes, we're having this fight, we're having this period of disconnection, but we have a plan.
[00:34:20] Speaker B: Yes. And it's a shared vision and a shared meaning that you guys are rowing in the same direction. So not just surviving day to day.
[00:34:30] Speaker A: Yeah, I love that, babe. You know, I feel like a future vision as a couple is the key ingredient of going from survive to thrive.
You're amazing. You've just spent quality time on your relationship.
[00:34:48] Speaker B: Feel like you're on a roll. If you want more living the team life relationship insights and conversations, head over to kimandroj.com where you can find all the show notes as well as tons of other relationship goodies.
[00:34:58] Speaker A: And if you liked today's episode, please hit subscribe or let another couple know where they can find us. It'll make them happy and it'll make us really happy.
[00:35:06] Speaker B: Until next time, keep on living the team life.
