Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: You.
I just need some space. It's likely you've heard this or said this at some point in your relationship. So today we're unpacking what's actually happening when we ask for space in our bodies and our minds and why it can actually be a really powerful tool in deescalating conflict and moving more quickly toward repair you.
Hey, we're Kim and Rog, and we're here to show couples how to get the best out of their relationship so they can start living their dream life together.
[00:00:39] Speaker B: We're a West Aussie couple who are living the life of our dreams. We don't entertain the word should. We think about the future as a field of possibilities, and we let joy be our compass.
[00:00:47] Speaker A: We've taken the simple idea of working as a team and applied it to our marriage, and it's been a game changer, allowing us to work out what truly lights us up in life and to go after it together.
[00:00:56] Speaker B: From living in snowy Japan to starting our own house flipping business, we've achieved some big dreams. And most importantly, we feel fulfilled and are having the most fun we've ever had.
[00:01:04] Speaker A: Hear conversations from inspiring couples, thoughts from relationship experts and tales from our own lives as we help you to gain the wisdom and skills you'll need to turn your relationship into a real team.
[00:01:14] Speaker B: These are relationship conversations for real people by real people. So sit back, get comfortable, whatever tickles you pickle, and enjoy living the team lifestyle.
[00:01:31] Speaker A: Today we are going to be talking about a common statement, I think, that people hear in their relationship. It's definitely something we've said many times in the past to one another, and that is, I just need some space right now. And it's said in the heat of the moment, usually when you really feel like you're overwhelmed and struggling. And it's actually a really important statement for a relationship to understand and to acknowledge. And so we thought today it might be helpful to give some background around why that statement shows up for people, why they need space when they're in the midst of a conflict, unpack a little bit of the neurobiology around that. So what's happening within our brains and our bodies when we need that space in an argument and then talk about the benefits of giving that space and how you can do that?
[00:02:32] Speaker B: Yeah, I think what you'll find is most people in an argument or a fight or a heated discussion have said the words, I just need some space right now, or Babe, can you just give me some space? So we want to make sure people understand that this is very common. You're not alone. Kim and I say this to each other, as, you know, there's no shame in it. And I think what we'll talk about later on this podcast is definitely no shame because it's actually a fairly natural reaction as well.
[00:03:05] Speaker A: Oh, I love that. I think that's such an important point to make, Roger. No shame in asking for space whatsoever. The fact that you don't want to continue that argument in the state you're in is actually quite impressive given what the body is experiencing when we're in an argument and we'll unpack that a little bit further. But I love that you picked that up. There is no shame in it whatsoever.
All right, so let's think about this for a second and sort of paint the picture so that anybody who's wondering whether this statement is something that's happened to them, this might clarify whether you've heard something or said something like, I just need some space right now.
It often looks like someone coming at you with a comment or a statement. It may be a harsh startup, we've talked about that before, where they come at you too aggressively. It may even be a soft startup. But for you, whatever is said is triggering for some reason.
And a back and forth begins quite quickly and quite heatedly, and all of a sudden you check in with yourself and you're feeling really agitated. You can't seem to access a more passive part of your brain. You can't seem to access more clear thinking. And the thoughts that are coming to you are repetitive. And they're usually on some sort of theme. Like, this person can't see me, they don't get me. How could they not get me? So just really intense thoughts and feelings in the body. That can be like a feeling of heat, feeling of tightness in your chest, a feeling of tension in your hands, like, how can this be happening, this unjust conversation right now? And the body tensing in response to that. That's the sort of scenario that comes up for me when I end up saying, I just need some space. Because I feel it's usually a sense of invalidation and invisibleness in my mind, and that's a huge trigger for me. And my body responds really physically to that, to the stress of the moment. And I will ask very quickly for some space.
[00:05:21] Speaker B: I don't think it even has to be like the climax of the argument either. I think it can often be just when one or both of you feeling a bit exasperated, feeling maybe you're unequipped or maybe your partner blindsided you, or you're just not in the same sort of you're not in the right frame of mind where you can actually communicate your feelings. Or maybe you're trying to communicate your feelings and you don't feel heard and you don't think you might have had a lot of back and forth and you feel like they're only seeing it from their side. I'm going nowhere here. And of also, it can often happen when one of you is about to absolutely lose your barbells, your marbles.
[00:06:10] Speaker A: I like what you said there, Roger. I just want to pick up on that for a second, the unequipped thing, because it's not always the sense of feeling righteous or frustrated or angry that you're not being seen. It is also feeling like you don't have like what you're talking about is that you don't have the skills in that. And that can also induce that sense of panic and frustration, can't it?
[00:06:34] Speaker B: Totally. I think there will often be a bit of a power disparity between in a relationship in terms of who's the better communicator now. There's also ways that men are generally a bit louder, a bit more imposing. Women are a bit more socially adept and they've read all the books, they've watched all the TV dramas, they've listened to the podcast, and so their emotional vocabulary is a lot better and a lot more refined while the blokes in there going, yeah, well, bloody.
[00:07:10] Speaker A: It must be hard. I mean, you're right. Women are more upskilled in relationships. We know this, that they do read more about relationships. They do get more personal development information and language like you're saying. So that would make them they would have more resources at their fingertips, which I imagine for the man could be quite bamboozling as well. When they're feeling like, I'm having an argument with someone who I don't have the resources to argue with them at this level. I don't even know what they're talking about. They're using all the words and I don't have even an understanding necessarily of what those words are.
[00:07:48] Speaker B: Yeah, you can feel like you're bringing a stick of licorice to a sword fight sometimes as a bloke. But I think also on the other side, bloats can be pretty not aggressive. But if we have a point to make, we can be very direct and it's like, you need to do this, or I'm not getting this, or we need to do this. And that can be quite confronting for a female. And that's maybe gender stereotypes, but they're stereotypes for a reason.
[00:08:15] Speaker A: Oh, definitely. And I think acknowledging that there are gender issues there gendered issues particularly men generally have deeper voices.
They are bigger than women. All of those things contribute on a neurobiological level. So basic evolution here was who's going to win a fight? The bigger person with the louder, deeper voice or the smaller person? So it is more threatening to have a man raise his voice than a woman raise her voice.
[00:08:46] Speaker B: I think what we're trying to say here is that in the end, it's the way your body responds to the situation. And so, Kim, it might be great if you can now take us through, I guess, what it means when someone says, I need some space right now. And why do people say it?
[00:09:03] Speaker A: You're 100% right, Roger. It shows up differently for different people. So let's unpack. That why people say, I just need some space right now. I'll just unpack a little bit the physiological side of it. So what's happening in our bodies? So when we start arguing with someone we do get into that emotional distress state, so we start getting frustrated or feeling unseen or hurt. These are all states of emotional distress. And when that emotional distress is big enough and it's heightened enough, it triggers a stress response in the body and this can be triggered, this emotional distress. And this particular stress response influenced by past experiences where you've had really negative outcomes. From this situation, your body gets cued really quickly by a similar sort of discussion or feeling or mood or voice or whatever it is or simply the conversation you're having with your partner in that moment feels more aggressive than you were ready for or it just is more aggressive than your body feels safe with. Whatever it is, it triggers this stress response from the body and the brain kicks off the physiological reaction to stress as a threat. So basically it triggers the threat response in the body. And what I mean by that is the body says, I'm under attack and I need to prepare myself. And you've all probably heard because Sykes talk about it a lot these days, the saber toothed tiger scenario back in the day. So obviously reason we are so triggered by threats is because back when we were cavemen, a threat would mean an animal or something else trying to kill us. And so it was live or die. Well, it was that serious. And so the response from the body was massive because you were literally fighting for your life. And so that physiological response, when we perceive that threat, which these days can be a threat, an emotional threat, it can be a cognitive threat, whatever it is. So the thoughts we tell ourselves can make ourselves feel threatened is what I mean by that.
[00:11:21] Speaker B: Yeah, so our bodies are super clever because they've kept us alive hundreds of thousands of years against all these threats. But sometimes they're not that clever because they can't tell the difference between a saber toothed tiger and an upset partner.
[00:11:36] Speaker A: Or even just a thought you're having 100%. Yeah, that's right. So that's where we've sort of evolved to. And so how that shows up in the body, that threat response is I won't get into the particular parts of the brain, but the brain reads the response and sends the message out to the body, to different parts of the brain interact and they send out messages to start doing things that are going to protect you. So things like increasing your heart rate so that there's more blood flowing around the body, that the blood gets faster to the muscles so that the muscles can be engaged more quickly. So if you had to run away from the tiger, you would have faster movement. It increases the blood sugar that's available to us again, our energy stores are now more available. The pupils become dilated because you become hyper focused on what you need to see and you can actually become very tunnel vision. In that sense, you can actually lose your peripheral vision, which is pretty incredible because your body is so focused now on one thing, one thing only, it's focused on surviving. And when we're in this state, we actually can often reduce our access to the part of the brain that rationalizes things. So the part of the brain that's really logical, which is a really important part when you're having a frustrating conversation, because you need to be able to think through it a bit more rationally, that can be harder to access because we're more in the survival part of the brain. And it's twofold, so we can not access the rational brain. The other part to that is we're looking more for threats. We become hyper threat sensitive. So what started as us just perceiving one threat, we are now dead focused on any threat because it could be life or death to our brain. So we've now stopped being able to access the rational part of the brain, focusing on all the threats. So if that conversation continues in the way that it has been going, so it's triggered a threat response, you feel stressed, everything starts to shut down and focus on keeping you alive.
Every movement onward in that conversation. If you are in a true fight, flight or freeze state and your brain is really focused on survival, it's not going to hear the rational arguments, it's not going to engage its own rational discussion, and it's going to be looking for your partner's threatening behavior. So what might not actually be that threatening is going to be perceived as possibly threatening even more so because you're focused on the threat.
[00:14:15] Speaker B: I love how you've explained that, sweetie, how the messages don't get to the rational brain or it shuts off that part of your brain. The rational brain, the reptilian brain, the instinctual brain takes over, which makes sense because your instincts are so strong when you're trying to survive. However, when you're trying to have a rational discussion, you need the rational part of your brain. So Dr. Julie Gottman has a saying for this or a label for this. And Julie Gottman's, John Gottman, who you've heard us talk about a lot, his wife and teammate and partner, they run the Love Lab together. And she calls this sensation when we feel overwhelmed and our rational parts of our brain shut down. She calls this flooding, which makes sense, right? Because you're flooded with emotions. You're overwhelmed with emotions. And how all these things that Kim just explained show up? Well, we all know them, don't we? You start to get a bit tense. You start to communicate really poorly. You start to swear. You start raising your voice. You start shutting down. You start saying maybe stuff you don't mean to your partner, or stuff that you know you shouldn't say, stuff that you know, triggers your partner is only going to escalate. This situation will you start saying that more and often you know what you're about to say isn't going to help and you don't even want to say it, and yet it just comes out because you're just in that sort of fight mode, I can't deal with this right now. So instead of expressing needs, instead of expressing rational, how can we get through that? You're all emotion and often what happens is you start to need that physical, emotional and mental distance from the conversation. You need to break away, you need to flee and you need to take flight. So you then ask or, hey. Or say, I need some space here, I need some time here. And what we're saying is this. Again, no shame. This is a really important self defense mechanism because it stops that emotional flooding and your body does actually want to stop that as well. You want to stop it. Maybe that's a part of your rational brain going, hey, this isn't working.
We need to trigger the rational part. Tag me in, guys. So often that's how we will deal with the situation, by saying, I want some space and I want some time. But that's not a fully bad thing because otherwise the fight will escalate, which we'll get to soon. But also, one of the reasons we're doing this podcast today is because asking for some space and asking for some time when done the right way and when done properly, and when it's a part of your communication toolkit, can be a really powerful tool moving forward.
[00:17:06] Speaker A: Yeah, I think it's an important thing to say, isn't it, Roger, that it's not just about highlighting that people do ask for this. We are actually saying, asking for this is really powerful. And the fact that you can access enough of your rational brain to be able to say what you need in that moment is actually pretty amazing. And it will take some practice for a lot of people. A lot of people feel so distressed when they feel threatened, they can't even get their words out. So really, we'll talk about this a little bit later. But discussing this when you're not distressed is important as well, because actually being able to ask and say, I just need some space right now is a really important skill. So that's sort of why it comes up, why people say it. We've just sort of unpacked what happens in the brain and the body when we get into a heated discussion or a distressing argument and why people throw out that comment, I just need some space right now, which is actually them. Exactly what you said, Roger, trying to protect not just themselves, but the relationship in that moment. They are trying to preserve in that moment some of the goodness and not escalate that further and give themselves the space to calm down.
All right, so let's get a little bit clearer on why it is important to ask for this space. Let's unpack it a little bit further. When we ask for space in a really difficult conversation or an argument, we allow that fight, flight or freeze response to reduce. So when we reduce the fight, flight or freeze response to that survival mode that we spoke about, it does give us that opportunity to access higher reasoning. So the rational part of the brain. So to really think through a problem in a more logical way, it also allows the brain to become less focused on threats. So less narrow minded, less hyper focused on what could be a possible threat, which means you're not going to be picking up every comment your partner makes and saying, well, that's a possible threat. That's a possible threat. And you're deescalating rather than escalating in a conversation, it also calms the heart rate, which is a physiological cue that we're panicked. So when our heart rate calms, we aren't signaling to the brain that we're panicked and that we should continue in this state of survival. It interrupts the negative cycle of beliefs that we have. So whatever we are focused on or fixated on in the conversation we're having and going around often in loops on, because we've become so focused on that cycle of thought or belief, we get an interrupt or a breaker, like a circuit breaker in that space to go back and reconsider and reframe our thoughts. It offers greater openness in the conversation and in that regard, a higher likelihood of empathy and compassion because we are no longer fully self survival focused.
[00:20:15] Speaker B: That makes so much sense because in the end, asking for space is a circuit breaker to an argument, a disagreement, and an emotionally charged situation you're in. And it gives you that space, literally. It gives you the time for your nervous system to settle, for you to actually think a bit more rationally about what is happening for you and your partner in this situation. How many times have you been in a fight and when 20 minutes later, 30 minutes later, you're sitting there going, what was that even about? And without getting into too much detail, kim and I got into a fight yesterday which started with Vegemite. We got into a fight about, okay, we might be able to kick off, so we'll just move on from there. But this is the point. There's nothing rational about fighting about Vegemite or Promite, but somehow we got into a massive bust up.
[00:21:12] Speaker A: And it's funny somehow.
[00:21:15] Speaker B: Okay, so another tip we'll get to later is choose when you're going to bring back up that fight again when using your space and time. But the point I'm trying to make is when Kim and I came back together afterwards, we really did sort of look at each other and go, hey, how did we even get to the place where we were? So upset each other, where we said hurtful things, where we just weren't being good people to each other. And we had a lot of empathy for each other because we have done this so many times. Yes, we fought a lot, and, yes, we've made up a lot, and yes, we came at it with a, hey, this is our bodies, this is our emotional response. But when we look at it rationally, we realize that we are on the same team, and we want an outcome for you and me. But it took us the space, it took us the time to have those rational thoughts, because it's very hard in the heat of the moment when it becomes a bit of an adversarial, I'm getting a win.
I want to hurt you. You're not seeing me. It's very hard to actually focus on what the initial outcome of what you wanted in that discussion was in the first place.
[00:22:28] Speaker A: Yeah, well, you're stuck in that survival mode, aren't you? It's not just I want to win this argument. For a lot of people, it's defending themselves. And that defending themselves comes from a deep need to survive. And they've been triggered in those arguments before, probably in their childhood or as a young adult, where they have felt like they haven't been seen or aren't being understood properly. And so that defense kicks back in. I'm threatened in this space, and I need to prove myself. And what we're explaining, obviously, is that to break that cycle of thought and to break that continuous sense that you're under threat, space can be really helpful. It can be really helpful.
[00:23:11] Speaker B: Yeah. So when done well, you can ask for space.
And it's a great circuit breaker before you get to that climax, before you get to that hurt, before you get to that point in the argument where you're being cruel or mean or throwing shit against the wall.
[00:23:30] Speaker A: Okay. Some of the things to watch out for when you are asking for space, if not communicated clearly, it can lead to feelings of abandonment, especially if your partner struggles with a sense of abandonment. And a lot of people do struggle with a sense of abandonment. So really being clear about what you're asking for is not to leave them, get space away from them, even though physically that is helpful. In that moment, being clear that it's an I thing, I need some space right now.
And communicating that need quite clearly is really important for a lot of couples.
[00:24:09] Speaker B: Yeah. And I think another one is on episode 29, we talked about the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, which was another gottman I guess he was labeling four types of communication where it can lead to a disaster for a relationship, and one of those was stonewalling. And I think there's a fine line between asking for space and actually stonewalling a conversation. And I think that stonewalling. There's often not that sort of constructive return in the end after the space is provided, or sometimes the discussion doesn't even start in the first place.
[00:24:48] Speaker A: Okay, moving on. Let's look at how we can ask for space. So if you're listening to this and you're thinking, you know what, I actually do want to ask for space, and I've never done it before, maybe you found that quite difficult in an argument. Maybe you don't feel like you had the tools to ask for it before. So let's talk about how you can ask for space. Or maybe you've asked for it in the past and you didn't ask for it in a way that was productive, because the way we ask for it can be really important as well. So when we're in a heated discussion, remembering we've kicked into survival mode often. So just you don't need to access a lot of the rational part of the brain. You just need to say, bring your awareness and say, what's happening for me right now? Am I in control of the way I'm responding? Am I responding in a way I'd be proud of or it's making me feel good? It's aligned with if it's a no and you'll notice it pretty quickly, then you've probably kicked into survival mode. So asking for space, wait for a small dip in the heat of the conversation. Your partner might not be able to hear you ask for space if you do it when you're both shouting at each other or you're both saying really nasty things to each other. So when you get that tiny lull and you can even give a little bit of space in the conversation to get that lull, just be quiet for a second, then you can say what you need. And when you do that, use an I statement. These are really basic things, but they're very powerful. I'm feeling overwhelmed right now. I need some space to collect my thoughts. Be clear on the time frame that you're going to need. Tell your partner how long you need some space for and when you plan on coming back together. Follow through on coming back together. And when you're apart from your partner, use the time to calm your nervous system. This is not time to go off and do a million jobs, oh, I'm frustrated. I'm going to go off and do something else that's equally as agitating. You need to be calming your nervous system. So it can be as simple as a walk around the backyard. It could be, I'm going to sit out the front with a cup of tea. I'm going to sit by myself and I'm just going to let my nervous system regulate whatever activity that you find. Regulating is what you should be doing.
[00:27:10] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm just going to pick up on that last point of yours, sweetie, because I think that's really important. So while asking for space and time, that time we actually request is really important, take the opportunity to do some self soothing. Take the opportunity to walk up the street and grab a coffee. Kim and I sometimes will go do some exercise, like a run or do some weights. And we find that after that adrenaline is out, after our body's gone through that sort of heightened exercise and we come back and we get those endorphins after those post exercise endorphins, we're in a much better place to come back together and talk and really have some introspection on. Why did I act that way, why did we act that way? And what do we really want to do going forward?
[00:28:00] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. Exercise is a great one, or really any sort of movement can be multifaceted in the benefits it offers. When you've been triggered and you're in that survival mode, that's asking for space. Thinking about the giving space for the person who needs to be giving it to the partner, respect their request. Don't take it personally. Them asking for space is about their need in that situation, and it's really, really important that you respect your partner's needs. Avoid bombarding them when they ask for space. Do not contact them on their phone, even if they're in the next room. Do not send them three messages telling them how you feel about that discussion. That's not space. In fact, that's really, really overwhelming for a person who's asked for space, walked away, and then had their safe space, which is being away from you. Also intruded on. It's really unfair, and it can lead to a feeling of I'm not safe to get space anywhere. Use the time for self reflection yourself. If you've been asked for space, you should also be trying to regulate your system. It always takes two to tango. Both of you are struggling in that discussion. Go for that walk for yourself. Go lift some weights. Like Roger said, go and sit out the front, watch some trees for a little bit. Whatever it is that chills you out and regulates you, you need to be pursuing that as well. And don't feel frustrated that your partner is able to get what they need. Asking for space is a two way street. If your partner asks for space, remember that you also have the right to ask for space. If in the future you want to say, hang on a second, I need a time out, that's absolutely fine. That's the joy of this. You can both use it whenever you need to use it.
[00:29:42] Speaker B: Yeah, see it as a bit of a boon, a bit of an opportunity, like, oh, thank goodness my partner asked for space because I just wasn't in the mindset yet to ask myself. And then use it for that self soothing. Use it to really have that introspection so you can come back together. And that's one of the final things we'll talk about now, is actually so when you've given each other that space, how do you come back together? Now, in terms of timing, the research actually indicates that you do. Need over 20 minutes of space to give your bodies the time to settle down from all those chemicals, all those feelings, all that fight, flight and freeze. You're giving your body time to come back down to a state of normality, to come down so you can access that rational part of your brain again. So that's over 20 minutes.
[00:30:34] Speaker A: Yeah. So once you've had that 20 minutes and you've helped yourself regulate with some sort of activity that is not agitating but is regulating, respect the agreed reconvening time. If you've said to your partner, you know what? It's 10:00 now, let's come back together at 1030 and finish this discussion.
Approach the discussion with an open mind. Now, I know that's a hefty goal, but once you're more regulated, you will be naturally more open. You will feel like you're willing to take some of the responsibility for the argument. Definitely the responsibility for your part in the argument.
[00:31:17] Speaker B: I love that, Kim. I'll just jump in. Just like I'll often say, take accountability for what you've done. Don't always just think about what your partner's done. Yes, they may have hurt you, but what could have you done differently in that conversation? Because it's really important. And you find if you both do that, it'll show a lot of empathy as well, and you're more likely to repair.
[00:31:37] Speaker A: Absolutely.
And that's a great one.
Start the conversation from a place of empathy. Express your desire for the relationship and for both of you to move forward together in a way that is considerate of you both. Show your partner that you're thinking about their feelings as well.
With feelings in mind, do give yourself a little bit of time before you come back to the table to prepare your own feelings. Do try and process a little bit before you come back to the table so you're not necessarily having to process on the spot and put yourself more under pressure in the discussion and perhaps start escalating things again. Share how you feel in the conversation when you come back together. Share what you experienced, and when you have come to a resolution and agreement together, try to end on a positive note. There's something magical about repair. It really is quite a wonderful space in a relationship.
And whilst you can feel bruised, the sense of accomplishment when you repair and are able to move forward after a heated discussion is really quite powerful in a relationship. It tells you both that you're able to get through the ups and downs of life. It tells you both that you're willing to put in the effort to make this relationship work no matter what. It tells you both that you're safe for things not to be perfect. You're safe to stumble, fall and get back up again. And they're really powerful lessons to yourselves about what sort of relationship, the depth of your relationship. If you can't repair well and your relationship doesn't learn that it can repair. You are going to be walking, feeling unsafe for a very long time. You are going to be feeling far more alone. So you really want to teach yourself, teach the relationship, that it's okay to have these disagreements, it's okay to need space, it's okay to come back together and repair and see that actually you are capable of getting through anything together no matter what you throw at one another. So ending on that positive note, acknowledging how far you've come since the start of that discussion, expressing love for each other, maybe referencing an in joke that says, I'm connected to you and I love our connection, maybe just have a hug, if that's all you can manage. Just hold each other, you're going to get a nice little oxytocin hit and you're going to feel good. So those are the sorts of things to finish the discussion on. And then when you've got some space later on, at another point in time, talking to one another potentially about how you can really easily access needing space when you're in a heated debate. So maybe you find yourselves a pause word. So just one word that you can say that says, I need space, and the other person respects that we have a pause word.
Do you want to say our pause word, Roger?
[00:34:43] Speaker B: It's a bit personal.
[00:34:45] Speaker A: Okay, don't say it then. Yeah, we use a word to pause the heat in the discussion. That's what we do to pause and.
[00:34:54] Speaker B: Make it a silly word as well, to pause.
[00:34:56] Speaker A: And we don't come back together. We go away and have some time, and we don't continue discussing what we're discussing in the moment. We get some space away from each.
[00:35:04] Speaker B: Other, like Albuquerque or you definitely want.
[00:35:08] Speaker A: A word that's going to make you giggle.
[00:35:09] Speaker B: Yeah. Or camel toe.
[00:35:11] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh.
[00:35:12] Speaker B: Okay, maybe not camel toe.
[00:35:13] Speaker A: Roger, what was your gold nugget out of today's episode?
[00:35:16] Speaker B: Oh, look, I think going back to the very top is like, don't feel shame if you've had to ask for space in an argument because, one, it's your body actually telling you, hey, you need a break. Two, when done correctly, it's a super powerful tool to ensure that the fight doesn't escalate any further.
[00:35:39] Speaker A: Yeah, I am just going to jump straight on that same one. Really, for me, the feeling no shame in asking for space is so, so powerful. I think shame stops us doing a lot of really good things in life. For some reason, the sense of needing to be strong and push through is just so pervasive in our society. Again, it's one of those norms I don't agree with, and I think they stop us from doing the vulnerable things like asking for space, that can be really powerful and aligned with who we actually are as human beings. So for me, it's absolutely there is no shame in the space game. And in fact, it's one of the best tools you can have in a heated discussion.
[00:36:25] Speaker B: You're amazing. You've just spent quality time on your relationship.
[00:36:29] Speaker A: Feel like you're on a roll. If you want more Living the Team Life relationship insights and conversations, head over to Kimandroge.com, where you can find all the show notes as well as tons of other relationship goodies.
[00:36:39] Speaker B: And if you like today's episode, please hit subscribe all. Let another couple know where they can find us. It'll make them happy and it'll make us really happy.
[00:36:47] Speaker A: Until next time, keep on living the team life.
