Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Just imagine standing in front of your 40th birthday party in a room full of all the people you love most in the world. As your husband gives you speech, he tells your friends and family how truly incredible you are and then goes on to say, we made it. It's the most beautiful, heartfelt tribute to the life you've built together. The life of your shared dreams. You did it. You guys made it. And that's the story of our inspirational guest today, Nikki and Pat, a beautiful couple who embody living as a team and following their dreams together along with their three little surf grommets. So just how did they make it? Well, that's what we're diving on into today.
Hey, we're Kim and Roger and we're here to show couples how to get the best out of their relationship so they can start living their dream life together.
[00:00:46] Speaker B: We're a West Aussie couple who are living the life of our dreams. We don't entertain the word should, we think about the future as a field of possibilities and we let joy be our compass.
[00:00:54] Speaker A: We've taken the simple idea of working as a team and applied it to our marriage and it's been a game changer, allowing us to work out what truly lights us up in life and to go after it together.
[00:01:04] Speaker B: From living in snowy Japan to starting our own house dripping business, we've achieved some big dreams. And most importantly, we feel fulfilled and are having the most fun we've ever had.
[00:01:12] Speaker A: Hear conversations from inspiring couples, thoughts from relationship experts and tales from our own lives as we help you to gain the wisdom and skills you'll need to turn your relationship into a real team.
[00:01:22] Speaker B: These are relationship conversations for real people, by real people. So sit back, get comfortable in whatever tickles you pickle and enjoy living the team life.
Nikki and Pat, thanks so much for coming on the show today. The first question we love to ask all the guests on living the team life is how did you guys first meet?
[00:01:47] Speaker C: All right, well, firstly, thank you so much for having us on the show.
It's been really special to watch you two, who we've known, really. I mean, I've known you, Roger, since childhood, and Kimboy, we've been really good friends since high school. But just to see what you guys have said about doing in your life, the adventures you've taken on and what you've achieved and so incredible. Now to see you doing this podcast, that is so sweet. Thank you for inviting us on to share what we can with you. I don't know if you remember this, Kimbo when I first met Pat, but it was at uni, we were both at Wapa and we were doing a directing course together.
And I really distinctly remember the moment that Pat walked into this tube. He exuded a lot of confidence. He had a bit of a swagger.
I did. Pat. Yeah. You're going, right?
[00:02:39] Speaker A: Oh, my God.
[00:02:41] Speaker C: Did you really, Nick?
[00:02:42] Speaker A: I don't remember the photo.
[00:02:44] Speaker C: Don't you?
I wish I did. That was after I was first introduced. You. So, Pat, let's give everyone a bit of context there. Pat was Captain Starlight at the time, and so he was often in the social section of the pages doing different events. And after I did kind of form a little crush on Pat, I did have a photo of that on my page as a bit of a joke. But it obviously worked. It obviously worked in manifesting.
[00:03:12] Speaker A: Old school.
[00:03:12] Speaker C: Manifesting, yeah. So I first met Pat then. And then it wasn't until four years later that a bit of a stroke of fate, I guess. And I had a housewarming party. And it just so happened that my housemate was dating one of Pat's friends. And so Pat ended up coming to this housewarming party and we reconnected after about four years of kind of first initially meeting each other.
We kind of got chatting that night and connected. Pat constructed a bit of a story about him moving to Sydney, which he was moving to Sydney in about six weeks time. But he said, I'm having this going away party. Why don't I get your number and you can come along to this party? So he got my number and that was kind of it. And then we met up the following week for a drink and had a really fantastic date at the Subi hotel, which then led to dinner.
And that was it. We were kind of a bit inseparable from that point on for about six weeks in which he did then move to Sydney. But there was never a party. There was never, I don't think, any.
[00:04:18] Speaker D: Intention there was going to be some sort of farewell.
And there subsequently been arranged by love.
[00:04:29] Speaker A: I love the moves boys make.
I remember Roger actually drew a map to his house for me just in case I ever needed help with uni work. We lived two minutes away from each.
[00:04:41] Speaker C: Other, but that was his move.
[00:04:46] Speaker B: In my defense, I probably still need to draw a map for Kim if that happened again.
[00:04:54] Speaker C: Very intense first six weeks of dating. But then he did move to Sydney for a year and we did long distance for twelve months before then living in the same place again.
[00:05:02] Speaker A: I love that story. And it's something that we're hearing from all the couples that we're interviewing who are clearly incredible teams in their relationship. Is this running theme of in the first date, in the first time they actually have a moment to spend together where they sit down for a period of time. The connection is so strong that they end up talking for hours. It goes on and on, and I think it says a lot about who we are as humans and what we seek out. Someone who really gives us that sense of safety and warmth straight away. So much so that you want to spend more time with them and open up to them and have really deep conversations right there. And then in that moment, can you remember, Pat, what it was in Nikki? I guess in that moment that you saw that was keeping you there, making you want to go to dinner, making you want to stay.
[00:05:57] Speaker D: Very specific question.
[00:05:59] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:06:00] Speaker D: Obviously, I think we are very at ease with each other and we're both probably gregarious people in our own selves, but not big gregarious people outside of that. I mean, one of us probably more than others, but I think we were both just really comfortable straight away, like we knew we had enough in common.
And those sorts of things were probably what really interest us and what our passions were around creative arts and performing arts and things like that. So that kind of really helped us. But then we were also both at, I guess, a stage where we were really generous with each other.
And I think that's probably been the theme of what's made our lives together pretty easy, is that we are generally really generous with each other in general, and there's not pressure in our relationship. So leaving six weeks later meant the pressure was off. There's no expectation here. It's like, I'm leaving.
And then when I did leave, there was still no pressure. It was like, well, we'll just see what happens. We can't base anything on anything else. And that made it relaxing and probably more challenging for Nick than for me because I was off doing a new thing.
But we didn't hold each other. We didn't say, oh, by this date, we got to figure this out or anything like that. It was kind of just being kind and generous and letting things take their course meant that the pressure was off and we're able to lean into it. And we were both ready. I think we're both at that point in our lives, we were ready, and so we were both happy and we're both content. And we came to it with a good.
Yeah.
[00:07:47] Speaker A: Can you explain what you mean by sorry, Nick? I'm just really curious on that word generous. It's such an interesting. What do you mean you were both generous in the relationship at the beginning?
[00:07:58] Speaker D: Well, I think we were just willing to see where it would go. There were lots of reasons why not. So I was leaving. There was maybe a few other little complicating factors that don't have to be mentioned, but we were just happy to see where it would go. And we weren't holding each other to hard and fast rules. And obviously being apart, it's not easy, but we would try and speak every day and we weren't holding each other to any sort of kind of standard or anything. We knew what we had was really special because it was very intense when we started and neither of us wanted to just let that go and that generosity of spirit and that goodwill and good faith. I guess it's trust, isn't it? It's where you come down to. It's like even if things are not working, you can talk about it and you trust that the other person is going to be open and transparent with you.
And I think that's still the case. I think we can still hold those as kind of our core values and what helps us deal with lots of different challenges that we face.
[00:09:11] Speaker C: Yeah. And I think, I mean, that first twelve months, it sort of, in a way, kept the spark alive a little bit because we were only seeing each other every sort of four to six weeks. And I do think actually that's something that really helped our relationship, is that we always had the next visit booked in at the last one. So we always sort of knew how long it was going to be before we saw each other. But I mean, that time for me is wonderful. I've got so many great memories of flying to Sydney for the weekend, basically, and being in Sydney with Pat and he was living in North Bondi and we'd just have a really great weekend and then I'd fly home. So I think it really. Yeah, that spark in the relationship.
[00:09:48] Speaker B: So what I'm hearing is that even though you were apart, you were choosing again and again and again to come back to each other and to choose each other and to continue with the relationship but not putting boundaries on it, not saying, as you said, pat not going, we have to see each other this many times or we have to commit in this way. And so I guess it grew sort of organically, but there was still a proactive effort towards choosing each other.
[00:10:17] Speaker D: Yeah. And the trust meant that hopefully you weren't stressed about it, you weren't concerned about it. You weren't worried about we didn't have a deadline. We didn't say long distance is going to finish by this date and it's either going to be this way or that way. It was like, I trust that you're going to do the right thing by me and I'm going to do the right thing by you and we're going to be open and transparent about who we are and what this is.
But also in the same sense, there's no pressure for it to be that way. You just have to tell me.
[00:10:46] Speaker A: I just love that. I think what you're saying about trust and the fact that you carry that now still in the same frame is the most important thing at the beginning because we don't really know the person. So you can't say, oh, we're going to be living our life dreams together. We haven't figured that out yet. We haven't figured what the path is. But if you're safe with the person and you can trust them, you trust that you'll figure that out as you go. You trust that if I don't message or they don't message, it doesn't mean bad things. I know that I'm safe enough to just see because as you say, pat and I think that's such a beautiful thing, you expect them to treat you well. You trust that they will do that. And I remember Rod used to say to me when I was younger and because we got together a little bit before you guys, and I was very immature in a lot of ways, and I would say hurtful things when I was feeling like I couldn't trust him. And he would say, why don't you trust me? Why would you expect that of me? You should expect the best of me. And I think what you're describing is that you expected the best of each other from the beginning, which is such.
[00:11:51] Speaker B: A beautiful, just very mature as.
[00:11:58] Speaker C: So you were right, Pat. I think we were both ready to lean into a significant relationship at that point. And I do feel like our connection was really, really strong. We just gelled right from that first date. Like you said, we could talk for hours and that's actually been something that I think carries on to this day. Like, we're really good at conversation and we can talk for hours and that's something that we continually come back to. And I remember in those very early days thinking, I find him really funny and we just can talk and talk and talk and talk. And so that's two things that I feel are really solid in our relationship, and that will kind of show us through.
Amen.
[00:12:42] Speaker A: Nikki Rogers.
[00:12:46] Speaker D: I don't think I'd ever had a friend like Nikki. I've never had, not a friend, but I always remember in my mind just thinking, I don't really need anyone else. Like, I've got lovely friends and I've got a great network and people come and go. And my friends have certainly changed over the journey quite significantly.
And the value that I put on my friendships is now very different from what it used to be. And hence, I have a very different network of friends, which is probably a lot more healthy for me. But that's another topic. But I always remember in my mind going, I don't really need anyone else. Like, I've got this, and this just ticks so many parts of my lives.
I don't really need anyone else to kind of fill any other kind of love or friendship thing in my life. This is what I need. And that fills you with confidence when it's reciprocated, obviously, if it's not, probably going to be really helpful, but when it's reciprocated, it feels good, gives you confidence, gives you that confidence to be yourself and be comfortable with who you are.
To see that kind of reciprocated and that trust lets you be yourself, lets you drop your guard and lets into not just your relationship, but other parts of your life as well, and hopefully be your best self in those areas.
[00:14:09] Speaker A: As, oh, I love that. The knock on effect, and this is something that we're really passionate about teaching, is when you have that grounding and that safety at home with your partner, the knock on effect in your life, as you say, pat into your other friendship circles to the choices you make with career and what you follow.
It breeds good things. It has that beautiful multiplier effect because you have that safety nest. It's kind of like what we talk about with children with attachment theory, that when they're safe at home, they feel good to go out and explore as their true self, because they know they've got someone who's always got their back and believes in them no matter what. And that's kind of what I hear you describing with Nikki. You know, you've got someone there. So you do go and seek a healthier life, the best life you can, the most. Well, life you can, the life that matches you the most out there, rather than perhaps not having that same sense of safety if you don't have that strength in your partnership.
[00:15:07] Speaker C: Yeah, absolutely.
[00:15:09] Speaker A: On that. One of the reasons we really wanted to talk to you guys. Today was Pat's speech at your 40th, Nikki, which happened this year. Absolutely incredible night.
And Pat, you gave one of the best speeches I've ever heard. It was just so heartfelt towards Nikki, obviously, but also, I think, to the life that you've built together. And that's what really struck me. I came home and obviously we can't go to parties together yet because our daughter needs more support. But I came home and I said to Roger, pat's speech just really struck a chord with me. The fact that you said, we made it, Nikki and I made it. And who would have thought we would ever make it like this? And I thought, one, what incredible awareness that, you know, you've made it, you know what you wanted in life, you know what your dreams are and in your mind you've managed to achieve them. But two, also, how beautiful that you're willing to say it because a lot of people will not say that out loud. Can you sort of unpack what you meant when you said you've made it? What did that mean to you?
[00:16:21] Speaker D: Yeah, I think where I was coming from, and it probably means slightly different things to each of us, but there's probably some common ground in there in that I feel like we have probably, if we go back to before we were together or when you're setting your expectations of yourself, whatever point in life that is and whether that's a useful exercise or not, because they're always going to change.
I think we probably have exceeded where I thought I could get to in terms of the three kind of pillars of your life being like your career, your family and your health and your well being.
I think we probably have.
I certainly feel blessed that we've been able to get to this point where we are, where we have each other, we're very secure with each other. We have a great network of friends and family around us. We have built ourselves into a really amazing lifestyle and home life. It's not without its challenges. It's very challenging. We've got three little boys. They all have individual needs, some more than others. And that's what everybody has when they have kids. You have different challenges going on in your life. But I guess for me, making it means that I've got the confidence that I've gotten kind of further than where I thought I would be.
And some of that is financial, for sure.
And then that gives me the confidence that I can kind of continue on that trajectory with Nikki and with our family, that we can do that together.
And I think it's okay to be proud of that.
We've made sacrifices along the way in terms of the way we live our lives and the way that we've chosen to pull things in in some areas and invest in them in others.
And some of those sacrifices are also not typical. They may be around recognizing what you're really good at, and maybe that doesn't align exactly with your kind of self identity of who you think you are. But leaning into that and saying, I am really good at this, this is a great avenue for me. My life's work doesn't have to be my profession. My life's work can be this, like this environment that I've got, this family that I have, this relationship that I've built.
That sort of can be my last work. It doesn't have to be my career or what I spend the majority of my day doing. But I think that's sort of where I came from when I reckon that we have made it and we should be proud of ourselves. There have been a lot of sacrifices on the way, especially for you in your work and the time that you spend with the kids. And also for me, probably the pathway that I've gone professionally. But it's got us to a point where I'm really proud of it and I wouldn't change anything on that basis.
[00:19:27] Speaker B: This is very counterculture, though, Pat, because most people at their 40s, they're either going two ways. They're having a midlife crisis because what they've done the last 20 years, they've done it and they're not fulfilled. They looked at everyone else, said, well, that's what everyone else is doing. So if I do that, I'm going to be happy. And the other way they can go about it is by going, well, I'm just hitting my 40s, I'm just hitting my straps. We can always have a bigger house, there's always more to do. I can still climb the ladder. We can go to Italy, we can do a, b and c, and that's going to give us worth. But for you to say at your wife's 40th of where you guys are in life, in your midlife, and say, we've made it, the gratitude for that moment and for what you have is so different to how everyone else seems to live.
Is that a conscious decision? Is that something you and Nikki talk about a lot?
[00:20:24] Speaker D: I don't think it's a conscious decision, but I think gratitude is one of those things that can make you happy. So being grateful for what you have can make you happy, not necessarily the other way around. By having things isn't what's going to make you happy, it's that feeling. What you do have is great. That is where you can kind of fitness within you.
And certainly I think we're lucky in that we have that conversation with each other, that we're not worried about what's coming next in terms of those things. It's how the best of what we do have and it's not such a conscious decision, but I think it's that faith that we have something that we probably come back to quite a bit when we do negotiate who's going where when and who needs a break and how that's going to happen. I'm happy when Nikki has a break. If Nikki needs to go away and do something, I'm really happy. That's great. That's my gratitude as well. It's like awesome. That's great for you. I don't begrudge you that. It's not an eye for an eye. I mean, it is, but it's not because I know I'm going to get it back in my.
It gives you kind of double happiness this year. I've been on a surf trip and Nikki's been away to India and we've had breaks. And that's really us living at a very extravagant level, I would think. So why not be really happy for both of those things?
I'd hate to begrudge anyone anything, like in our family, over one thing over another.
Then you're always going to be chasing something, but you're always going to be unfulfilled.
[00:22:10] Speaker A: I have never heard it described like that.
You're happy for your partner to have the things that they get. That, in a sense cost you something, right? Like when the partner goes away and you have to step up and do extra work in the home and take responsibility for all the children for that period. Because we talk a lot about trying to reduce adversarial roles. The whole point of becoming a team is to not point score. Exactly what you say, pat, but you've taken it to the next level and said, not only do we not point score, I feel gratitude when my wife gets to go away for the fact that she can go away, that she can get a break. And that's something I have never heard explained like that before. Just, I'm wanting us to level up now to that space as well.
[00:22:57] Speaker D: It's still hard in the moment when you've got to do it for things and we're all it does make it easier to be happy when other people, when good things happen to other people.
When I go surfing and my mates get a great wave, I'm happy for them, too. I don't begrudging them that. So I think it's that similar thing. It's sort of like.
[00:23:20] Speaker C: Mean. I think it's also about really kind of stepping back and seeing that big picture. And I know for Pat, that's really mental health, kind of looking after his mental health, being able to go away and surf with his mates for a week. And I know that then comes back to me because he is much happier at home and digging when he needs to. But I also see the effect it has on your motivation almost leading up to know, like, you're going to the gym and you're really looking after yourself and you're getting fit. And that has such a huge impact on our family unit when we're in a good mental health space.
But I also know as far as the big picture goes, Pat's really good. You are very good at kind of compartmentalizing and kind of going, this is work, but also juggling that and tapping in and out. So when you talk about kind of your work not being your last passion, but it's certainly something that has given our family a huge amount of financial security. And we do talk about that and you do acknowledge that. And there has been points, I think, when we've had deeper conversations about that and I've said to you, well, what's your passion? What do you want to do? What do you want to pursue? And you've always been really clear about the fact that this is what you're choosing. I am choosing to work in a job that maybe doesn't fulfill my soul but is very important for the family security. And I'm going to pour kind of my creative outlet and my passion basically into the kids and into our family life. And, I mean, I could, like, I'm very lucky to be part of that unit and have you having that perspective and I guess being willing to kind of go through that on a daily, you know, some days it's not.
[00:25:02] Speaker A: But there's your beautiful gratitude. Look at you two. Like the gratitude king and queen.
[00:25:09] Speaker B: I think that it's really important what you said there, Nikki and Pat, for something that I've really come to terms in the last five years, know, what's my identity? Who am I? And I said that it's okay for me to have an identity as a proud father and a great husband and have that not as the only part of my identity, but as something that is almost core to who I am. So me not going and climbing the corporate ladder and spending as much as I can, 50 50 at home, looking after our little one who needs additional support. There was perhaps a part of me which is like, I had my sort of dream job when we lived in the ski fields in Japan, and maybe I tied my identity a little bit into that. And so when we stopped that, it was like, who am I, really? And so coming to terms with that it is okay to be an awesome mum, to be an awesome dad, to be a great partner, I feel, is really powerful. And that's what I thought you guys were talking about just then, that maybe you don't have to follow your passion in life to have a strong identity and be fulfilled.
[00:26:15] Speaker C: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I also feel like your attitude, Pat, to this is very generous in that it really, at this point, is actually allowing me to pursue my passion, which I'm really grateful about, which is the small business that I've just started that I know I couldn't do that without Pat leaning in to kind of support our family.
[00:26:37] Speaker A: This business is absolutely amazing. You've started your business in a sweat. I'll let you explain to people about qigong and what you teach, because you'll do it much better than me. So maybe you start with that, what your business is, and then I can ask what I want to about the relationship on that.
[00:26:51] Speaker C: Yeah. Okay. So qigong is a form of exercise that has originated in China. It's been around for thousands of years, but is quite slow in making its way to the west. But basically, I discovered it about three and a half years ago after having up their child and kind of know with family, living out of home, building a house, having quite a lot of stress and kind of wanting to exercise and feel good in my body. But finding that the traditional exercise I would have done kind of pre babies was actually just really depleting me and exhausting me. And if I did a run or a swim or play tennis, I just found I was actually really exhausted for the rest of the day. So I found qigong, which literally translates to qi is energy and gong is work or practice. So essentially it's an energy practice, but it's also a really great physical workout that can shape and tone. But essentially, after you practice, and it can be in really short increments, you could do five to ten minutes, you just feel really energized. You've increased your flow of qi or energy internally it's really great for helping your body kind of decoxify and purge out any kind of stagnation or toxicity and basically strengthen your key organs. So these are three pillars of chinese medicine, and that's really where qigong comes from. It's like the practical application of chinese medicine in a form of exercise that can work you physically, but also kind of is really fantastic internally, and also really great for clearing your mind and for kind of reducing your cortisol. So really good for your nervous system. So when I discovered this, I looked in Perth as to where I could do classes, and I found there was really nowhere that I could do this in person. So that started me on a journey. I've since trained in it, and I'm about to do another training course, and I've started teaching it in studio and also doing some corporate wellness workshops and running events. So I've been collaborating with some integrative health practitioners. Because one of the great benefits of qigong is that you can really target many different health concerns, because according to chinese medicine, any symptom that you're having is coming because you've got stagnation in one of your key organs. So through this exercise, you can kind of target that key organ. It's a little bit like if you go and get acupuncture and they're putting those needles on meridian lines in your body, well, you can do the same. You can stimulate your meridians in the same way through different exercises. So essentially, it's movement, it's meditation, it's breath work. It's got a lot of flow to it.
And I guess some people describe it a little bit like kind of chinese yoga, but, yeah, it's something I really love. I'm really passionate about, and that's my new business.
[00:29:46] Speaker A: And I love the way you describe it. I can hear the passion, and I'm really interested in the setting up of the business side of that from a relationship perspective. But I just want to touch on the actual qigong itself, because something that Roger and I talk a lot about is being very active, and we believe that has a lot of flow on effects for the family as a whole, the partnership. We think for couples, it's really important to focus on wellbeing and activity in life. But something that we're really conscious of this year is actually focusing on those down regulating activities as well. And obviously, what you're describing with Qigong is that beautiful opportunity to still be active, but in a down regulating way, so that we're calming our nervous system and I think that's just something that's coming in a little more into mainstream. Is this concept of actually wanting to be active in a way that is going to calm your nervous system and improve your mental health?
[00:30:42] Speaker C: Yeah, absolutely. I think really nowadays you only have a small amount of time each day to exercise. Most people do, with all the demands on them. So you want to enjoy that, you want to feel really good when you finish. You want to actually enjoy the practice of exercising.
And I have certainly found that with Qigong, I love doing the exercises. I feel like they have such flow to them and then you want to do it regularly. So I personally have found qigong really fantastic for weight loss and for shaping and toning, but I think part of that is because I do it every day because it feels good and I want to do it every day, so there's absolutely no procrastination with it. I know that I'll just feel so much better during it and afterwards.
[00:31:23] Speaker A: So I hear that you're fully aligned with your business, which is such a beautiful thing. When you see someone who believes in what they're doing, it aligns with their values and their soul and their sense of purpose. Obviously, setting up a new business, as we know, is an enormous amount of work and takes a lot of team agreement and support for one another. Pat, what's that like for you, hearing Nikki say that because of what you're doing, she's able to follow her passion and start this business?
[00:31:56] Speaker D: Yeah, look, I think it's for me because it's been a know, it's been Nikki getting an infrastinit and Nikki being like a customer of Chigong or like being a practitioner before she became a teacher. It's kind of been a gradual kind of growth, seeing the ways that she's transitioned through that. And it's no surprise that Nikki's kind of ended up here. She's an amazing teacher, she's a great facilitator, she's got all those professional skills that she's been working on for 20 years in lots of different environments and then her family heritage. If you talk to her dad, you're like, there's that alternative to him. So that's really not a surprise, I think I don't have.
And Nikki doesn't know either. So we're figuring it out and for what, what we can do and how much bandwidth we can dedicate to it is going to evolve over the think. You know, Nikki's still teaching and then at school on a couple of part time basis so it's whether we pull back from there, really invest in it. And one of the great things about Qigong, I think know there's sort of so many applications in it. We've just got to find way to channel those resources and where the biggest return on your time and our family investments get made on it. So I think those challenges are still ahead for us.
I think the fact that we've got the bandwidth to do it is because, like, the way Nikki has described it, she'll just get up and do it, or be at the beach and be surfing and we'll look back and we'll see mum doing exercises on Sam or whatever.
That's how flexible it is. It's just one of those things that now it's part of our lives. You'll see our three year old Sam, like, doing his stretching, getting himself ready for the day or whatever it be. So it's part of our lives. It's sort of ingrained in what we do and who we are now. And it's just trying to find that pathway for us moving forward. I think from a bandwidth perspective, it's going to be a challenge, but it is a really flexible thing. And I think we're all lucky that we live in an age where we can reach out to a huge client base.
And that's really the opportunity for us, is to figure out whether it's going to be that corporate wellness, whether it's going to be reaching out to people who can really benefit from it and spreading this message. And when I think of Nikki's business, it's really an advocacy business. It's about introducing people to a solution for them and they'll come to it however they want. But Nikki's the perfect person to do that because you can see that she's really passionate about it.
She just wants everyone to know, get the benefits. It's more than a business. It's about spreading the word about this great solution that she's found and then hopefully building business behind it. But I guess the pressure is not there for that to be it. It's really got to be finding those people who can really benefit and can have the same sort of influence in their life. And I think it all aligns.
[00:35:13] Speaker C: I love that Pat sort of touched on it. We've actually come from very different backgrounds as far as health and our philosophy towards how we look.
I've obviously come from a lot more kind of alternative health and Pat has been more kind of western health. So Pat doesn't actually do Qigong like this is something that he sees is so beneficial to me without him having to actually partake in this practice. And I think that's something really important that I realized a while ago now is that we each have our own techniques to look after physical and mental health.
Pat does not have to jump on board with this business to actually do this. He is definitely in the background supporting me so I can do it. And I can see that he's really invested in that to create that platform, so I can do it.
But I've tried a few times to get him to actually do the workout with me and have realized pretty quickly that it's actually just, this is not for him. And he's got his own methods. Like, I know Pat when he needs a mental break or he's stressed, like, Pat needs to go to the beach, he needs to be in the wind, he needs to be out there tumbling around in the ocean, come back completely exhausted so he can then collapse. And that's your way of kind of looking after yourself. So I think it's just really important also to recognize that you can have your own ways. You don't have to kind of both be doing exactly the same thing to look after your own mental and physical health.
[00:36:48] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:36:48] Speaker B: So at that subjective, that micro level, you might think, oh, well, we relax in different ways or we find mental health breaks in different ways. But actually, at that objective, top level, you're very aligned because you realize both of you need to support each other, to have your mental space, to have that exercise, to find your flow. That quality of ongoing mental health is pinnacle in your relationship. So even though you find different ways to do it, how you support each other in that, how you have a common purpose of looking after each other's mental health is a priority for you and you discuss it. And the other thing is, you're very transparent about these things as well. You're talking on behalf of each other, but very much, you know, Pat does do a, b and c, so I can do de and f. Well, yeah. Nikki really believes in this and I believe in her, and I love how our kids get involved, and I think that communication and that alignment is core to a great relationship.
[00:37:47] Speaker C: Yeah. And I guess it comes back to when you were saying before, we're quite generous with each other. I guess it's that acknowledgment and generosity in going, I see you need a break. You go do what you need to do. I'll kind of hold the fort here, knowing that everyone will be happier at.
[00:38:05] Speaker A: The end of that the other thing I heard as well, and I love the word generous, but the other thing that keeps bringing to mind, as Pat was talking about, the evolution of inner sweat, Nick, and the fact that you guys both believe in it and you're both supporting, is very much a team approach, definitely. But the fluidity that you're both holding, that it's okay if it goes in this direction or it's okay if it goes in that direction. And I think when we're really working at our best as a team in a relationship, we do have that trust that you spoke about at the very beginning that allows you to be fluid.
We've failed if we haven't done this or we've succeeded if we've only gone that path. There's this fluidity around let's try it, let's support each other, because that's really how you make progress in life, is by trying things without those fear based constraints. And throughout, I guess, everything we've discussed today, that fluidity just seems to keep popping up for me. That openness and trust and willingness to follow together openly whatever comes your way.
Purpose driven, but openness to things changing and moving as you go.
[00:39:16] Speaker C: Yeah, and I guess that's really how our day to day kind of falls out as well. And I would also really use that word, that fluidity with how we kind of exist with the kids. I mean, we're not particularly well structured in that we don't have big calendars everywhere and post it notes. It is actually one of my goals for 2024 to be a little bit more organized with that. But I think because of that, we're kind of good at just flowing with what needs to happen in any given moment and at recognizing that and being able to talk openly and being able to lean in and adapt when we need to. And we really do do that a lot. Like we really do kind of chop and change between jumping into a bit of work, jumping into the kids particularly. You are very good at that, picking kids up, dropping off, and then going and running the meeting, which sometimes can create chaos. But I also think it means that we keep the open lines of communication. We are actually talking to each other all the time throughout the day because of that. And it means we can kind of fit quite a lot into each day, I guess. And you've always been really great at that, Pat, at just maximizing what we can out of any given day. And the beach is great at 06:00 p.m. And we just need to drop everything and go take the kids down to the beach. We'll do that. And I think there are some of our best kind of family memories down there doing that.
[00:40:48] Speaker A: I think that open line of communication you talk about, that's another running theme I'm hearing from you guys. You talk a lot from the know, Nick, you said you could talk, and he's funny, and I resonate. Like, if I had to pick two things from Roger at the beginning, talk and funny, and they're really good, strong base points. And the fact that you continue in that way, conversation is so powerful. And we talk a lot about. Just start small. Just talk about anything. Get used to it. Because actually, a lot of couples we're discovering don't talk about a lot of stuff. They don't talk all day. They don't go back and forth with their spouse about what's happening. And I think you get really good at being open and transparent the more you practice. So, like you said, throughout the day, we're always talking because it's obviously second nature to you guys to be transparent with each other and keep the other person up to date with where you're at, especially if you're so fluid. So is that something that you would see as well? That conversation is, like, one of your real strengths as a couple?
[00:41:51] Speaker C: Yeah, definitely. I really would see that as a strength that we've got. We're both really open and I guess, yeah, I feel like we're really great communicators with each other.
I mean, a lot of the time throughout the week, it's very logistical, what we're talking about.
And again, we're not great at planning dates and things like that, but when we do get the opportunity to go out and have that kind of time to plan, set goals and all that sort of stuff, I just feel like things always flow really nicely with us.
I mean, to be honest, at the moment, our quality time often comes at the end of the day, where we do make a point of once the kids are in bed, making sure that we just have half an hour on the couch just watching something that we both enjoy, like the office or parks and rec or beat some comedy that's 20 minutes, we can just sit and we have that time together because often at the end of the day, at the moment, we're both really exhausted and are kind of talked out from the kids all day. But I do value that little bit of time that we can share in enjoying some comedy together. At the end of the day, it's.
[00:43:03] Speaker A: That also picking that space of time where you both get again to down regulate. You're both chill. You watch the comedy so that you can enjoy. This isn't a heavy show. I'm getting to calm myself with my partner and share a calm space together. And when you're in that frenetic household movement with children that just keeps moving and moving and moving. You're in a lot of upregulated spaces together. But finding just even 30 minutes a day, I think is so powerful to be in that calm space together where you don't often find that space through the day.
[00:43:36] Speaker C: Yeah, absolutely.
[00:43:39] Speaker B: So, guys, what's next for the brown copas?
[00:43:45] Speaker C: Okay, well, we do have a little bit of travel planned, and we've got. Our boys are really keen surfers as he's packed, and that's something that he's really invested in and developing kids surfing ability. So we have a few future plans to go on some surf holidays together.
I guess for me, it's definitely continuing to invest and grow the business and for us to kind of do that together as a family.
[00:44:12] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:44:12] Speaker C: What do you reckon that. What else?
[00:44:13] Speaker D: Yeah, I don't know. I think we're in a pretty good spot. We've got a lot going on, like weekly week, and that's all good. I think the boys are kind of really, for the next ten years, that's it.
[00:44:31] Speaker C: They've all got specific needs and things they need, and so it's really about having that kind of focus on giving them what they need in these kind of really formative years of our kids. And I guess creating those situations where you got those memories for them of happy family activities.
[00:44:55] Speaker D: Yeah, ten years. We've got ten years with.
Right, with us. And it's sort of that.
People talk about that pretty frequently, that that time does go quickly, but we're just trying to maximize that time and set them up well, as well as we can to be their best. All versions of themselves. They're very unique creatures, and as I'm sure you guys know, and we all know from our own family places, everybody's going to grow up with a really big challenge in their life, and they're going to have. Everyone's got something that can define them. So it's making sure that they've got, I guess, a robust emotional well being to get through those sorts of things that will come up.
But part of that is just being around, and that is just logistics. That is just logistics, like just being around, being able to pick them up, being able to drop them off, being able to watch them play sport, being able to go to the beach if we need to and just spend a couple of hours just letting everyone have a bit of space. I think hopefully the investment privilege, really.
[00:46:06] Speaker C: Being able to do that.
[00:46:08] Speaker D: But I think time with them is sort of our investment. And you hope that comes back to you as a parent.
You know, you hope that they can, but that time is kind of good investment.
[00:46:31] Speaker B: Well, I think it's a really. I think it's a really special way of looking at it. I saw some stat the other day which was like, you spend 90% to 95% of the time you will with your kids between the ages of zero and 18, and then the rest of their lives, you only spend 5% of that whole combined time with them. And you don't realize that when they're five years old or anything like that, do you? So, yeah, I think it's really special.
[00:46:55] Speaker D: That you guys have that.
Yeah.
[00:46:58] Speaker B: That you guys have that sort of perspective now that it's really important to spend the quality time with the kids because, Pat, you're just blowing up my socials all the time with your little gromy surfing, and it's very, just cool. We love it.
[00:47:13] Speaker A: I have learned so much from you both today. I am taking away your level of gratitude and thinking about how I can employ a higher level of gratitude. Because as you said at the very beginning, Pat, gratitude makes you happy. Gratitude is such a beautiful thing. And just watching myself where I hold off from being grateful for fear, know, not evening the score, even when I think I'm not doing it, just watching that lean into the gratitude and the generosity, that other word that kept coming up, I just think it's so beautiful. So, yeah, thank you so much for chatting with us today.
[00:47:50] Speaker C: It's been so nice to have the opportunity to actually sit here and actually reflect on, I guess, how we function and just really voice those values, it's a really nice reminder, actually, of what we're doing. So thank you so much for having us on the show.
[00:48:09] Speaker B: You're amazing. You've just spent quality time on your relationship.
[00:48:12] Speaker A: Feel like you're on a roll. If you want more living the team life relationship insights and conversations, head over to kimandroge.com, where you can find all the show notes as well as tons of other relationship goodies.
[00:48:23] Speaker B: And if you like today's episode, please hit subscribe or let another couple know where they can find us. It'll make them happy and it'll make us really happy.
[00:48:31] Speaker A: Until next time, keep on living the team life.
